Running out of time, where is my, runaway love?

SUP. :D

Nope, this isn't about love. It's Runaway Love by JB, and I love the dance moves (not that I can dance to it hahahah) . I can sing pretty much all the songs on My Worlds (which consists of My World and My World 2.0). But when it comes to Under the Mistletoe and Believe, I can only sing a couple of them. Running out of time to fangirl. Even for Cody, Greyson, Austin, it's quite hard. And BTR (I had a dream about them last night anyway, it was GREAT. Woke up late but feeling very happy like how I am when I dream about idols xD ) Now, I'm just looking up for old songs which I can emo with :) or just some nice old songs.

Okay, earth to me. I have pretty much nothing to blog about. No inspiration.. But I shall just talk about some random stuff, forgive me if I sound like a lunatic, but again, I'm always crazy and hyper when I want to be. Okay. Let's see.

I was just telling my dad about a guy whom had one leg amputated and had a prosthetic kayaking. Even though it was just a T1, I was full of admiration for him, because most amputees may just want to give up on their lives because of a missing limb. Also, this guy made me tell myself not to leave the sport no matter how tough it is. If he can still paddle like that, my trainings are NOTHING.

So, what my dad said kind of made me really unhappy the entire evening. I shall quote it from word to word. "You'll never have so much determination one lah." It sounds casual, but trust me, it hurts. A hell lot. I pride myself as someone who doesn't back down without a fight, without giving my all, but I am fair. But hearing those words from someone who has known me for 14 years is just. I can't describe. Disappointing? No, I don't think it's disappointing. After all, from the way I was raised, children cannot be disappointed in their parents. But again, that feeling sucked.

I told him, "You think I'm not determined? I'll prove you wrong." He just laughed it off, but for the first time, I heard a note of uncomfortableness (okay this may not be word) and irritation in his voice. I was pissed, so I just went to watch Running Man to cool myself down. I had technically raised my voice and disagreed with an elder, somewhat like retorting. Later, my dad and mum told me to stop retorting with sarcasm with whatever they say. Debate and LA skills in action, I wish to highlight, but no, 'cause this is my family. This is the kind of life I have at home.

I shall live my own dreams of being a social worker and a motivational speaker, if possible. I want to spread the idea that children and teens have their own right to dream, to choose what they want to be, and that they shouldn't be afraid to speak up against what their parents want for them. It's not disrespect, it's just stating an opinion which concerns the future.

Also, this morning, I was reading 少年文摘. There was a story written by a mother in it. I cannot explain how much the story relates to myself. That moment was just like finding a long-lost twin at the other end of the world. I shall sum up the chinese article into this: (written in the mom's POV btw)

When I gave birth to my daughter, I recall relatives and friends telling me to teach my daughter how to respect myself when she grows up. That means to do what I want her to do, for her to follow my wishes as accurately as possible, and not to disagree with me in any sense. I am her master in the world.

But I feel differently. Her being in the world wasn't her choice. I chose to bore her. I chose to bring her into this world. Thus, I shouldn't be forcing her in whatever she does. I've already forced her into this world, I cannot do it anymore. It is unfair.

Many parents wish for their children to follow in their footsteps, or to live up to their expectations and to make their dreams come true. But then again, I tell myself, what is the use of my daughter living my dreams? She will not be happy, because this is not what she wants to be.

I recall a friend of mine who followed whatever his parents said. He studied at a school of his parents' choice, he finished their preferred course, he landed with a job they wanted him to have. He had a girlfriend back then. However, his parents arranged a marriage with another girl for him. So, he broke up with his true love to marry the other woman. He even had children with her. After all that, he finally blew up. He told his parents, "Look, I've lived up to your dreams. I studied in the school I didn't want to study in, I have a job which I don't like, and I have given you the grandchildren you want. What else do you want with me?"
He was so sick and tired of it that he gave up everything. And I do not blame him.

I don't want my daughter to be like that. I don't want to see that look of irritation, annoyance, in her eyes when she glances at me disdainfully. I want her love. I don't need her to follow what I say. I just want her to choose her path, and I will support her no matter what. I don't need her to give me the utmost respect, I don't need her to agree with me. I just want her to love me, and that's all I ask for.

-END OF STORY-

So, this story just drew me in. The abovementioned is just my translation, not that accurate, but you get the point, yah? I wish my parents were like this. I wish they would support me in what I do, rather than be the dictators of my life. Why me? Why not my sister?

Because I happen to be in the IP Programme, they expect me to be a doctor or a lawyer, and earn lots of money for them. I can bring glory to the family, to bring glory to myself. Being a canoeist helps in no sense, since I can't appear on NDP or shake the President's hand.. 

I can't imagine what will happen when I tell them that I want to be a social worker when I grow up. A job which I will love, a job which doesn't pay much, but makes me so rich with happiness. A job which will give me my basic needs, and make me happy. I know that they won't agree. It would mean long hours, hard work and little pay. But this is my dream. 

As I always say, no one will stop me from realising my dream. I may not be the best, but I am hard to beat. Your disapproval is nothing. I won't go down with a fight. And no matter how hard I have to fight with you to become what I want to be, I will NOT back down.

Okay, enough ranting. A couple of pictures for you all.

Endurance.

All those out there who've been supporting my dream, thank you so much. Every word, every hug, it all counts. Thank you for guiding me each step of the way. And also, I thank God for all the opportunities He has given me. Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

To some, I may not be a true Christian, since I don't go to church, but I believe in Him. I feel God's presence with me whenever I pray for help, or just because I'm thankful for everything He has given me. A Child of God :)

Till next time, peeps :D

The 10 Commandments of Me

1. Eating to my heart's content. I'm thinking of bak kut teh right now, roast beef, meatza (however you spell it, it's the Domino's one), char kway teow, ice cream, chocolate, muffins. Okay, and some cherry pie would be good too XD

2. Sleep to my heart's content. Eat well, sleep well, live well.

3. Put in my heart and soul into training. Pushing no matter how tiring it is, holding out longer than the rest, turning around at those who won me before and say, "Watch me."

4. Studying just about enough to keep me sane, to keep myself living well in this world.

5. Volunteering as much as possible. For anyone who needs a hug, for anyone who wants to smile.

6. Always see everyone as an individual, not as a group. See the good in people, and in myself.

7. Accept all judgement by others, but voice my own opinion as well. If it isn't accepted, use LA skills to rebut.

8. Know as much lifeskills as possible to keep my alive in the wild. So far, I can catch grasshoppers and little critters, I can identify some plants to be eaten. Lots to go.

9. Know how to cook the simplest foods. My cooking skills are so wonderful that you will faint.\

10. Stand up for myself, for others.

My all time favourite dish in Singapore :) 

bo hum pls, bu yao la jiao

Talent Development (and plenty of ranting)

Talent. People say everyone has a talent, some of which are hidden, but I just feel that I don't seem to have one. Take Claire for an example. Obviously, she is musically inclined. So is Mizuki. Megan has a wonderful voice. THQ can rap. Xinyi and Jiaxin can dance. Demon and Gwen are smart. Hweezy is great at ball games like bball, netball, tchoukball. Angie, Jinwen, Wang are fitness machines. What about me?

From young, my family enjoyed discouraging me. When I did well (I was happy with my performance), they wouldn't celebrate with it, but rather, ask why I didn't get full marks, why I wasn't first. It literally pulled my self-esteem down, but again, my family taught me not to argue back. I've learnt the hard way of talking back (just to make my point, cos I was misunderstood). I'll just have to shut up, or there'll be chaos. I really envy the lives of others, where their parents don't give them a regimental lifestyle, don't imply rules for everything (no rolling of chairs, no hands on the walls, early to bed (latest 10PM) and early to rise (latest 8AM), no going to Subway, avoid all outings with friends, no asking for extensions, no leaving the house without permission, must do all chores). I don't mind the rules, okay, since it's been 14 years. I'm used to it, but I wonder how my friends will cope if they go under this lifestyle. I try to talk about it to them, but no one will understand. They have loads of freedom. They can go for immersions without worrying. I worry because I'll not be allowed to go, unless it's compulsory.

Anyway, back to talent. (Just ranting) My parents made it simply: You have no talent. They even said that out loud, you have no idea how much it hurts. Even as I write this, I think I have no talent too. 11 years of piano and I'm stuck at grade 7? My dad says I can top academically except that I don't try. Maybe I can. I have had the foundation from my mother's tutoring in multiplication and division at 4 years. I don't bother working that hard in studies because I want to show them that I can make it to success (a better life than them) with my own hands. Without tuition, without others' interference. I will not have an office job like all of you. I will lead a life which makes me, make others happy. I will not help you fulfill your dreams. I will have my own dreams, and I'll make sure that they come true.

Again, back on track. People say that I have a great leadership potential. But I lost my chance after withdrawing from council. But trust me, I have no regrets. I'll push all the way for canoeing. They say that I should find a field to develop it even further. Okay, but leadership's not exactly a talent..

Sports? I'm in canoeing, but no, I got no talent for physical activities. This is one thing I'm proud of. I have no sporting talent. I came this far with hard work, with my own hands. I entered canoeing being the weakest of the entire lot. I may not be the best, but I work hard to be my best.

The only thing I feel that I have (which others don't) is my interpretation skills. Not in terms of language (by the way I learn languages fast, like pick them up fast, but it's not a talent). In terms of understanding what people feel, what people think of from the way they speak, verbally or in written form. Or from their actions, their expressions, the tones of their voices. I don't know why, but I usually figure out what they feel like by piecing all these together. Kind of creepy that I'm doing such stuff, but still, this is one thing I can do. I don't talk about it to others, I don't show that I know things, but some things I do know. Very occasionally, I drop hints that I understand, and sometimes, people do pick them up, but only vaguely. I just need to understand you to be able to treat you like how you want to be treated. So if I seem distanced from you.. it may be from these "interpretations". These are my instincts, I always follow them, so I can't help it.

So ending off, that may be a hidden talent, but again, I doubt so.

Sorry, emoing here, but I just needed to vent.

Random thing: Go listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart (covered by Glee, 1D, Westlife). By someone called Bonnie (forgot her surname).

10 Things to do with your best mates

And of course, I mean the buskers!!

We've went for many buskers outings (or failed project sessions) but hey, they are fun right? Ironman was a project work time, Demon's birthday was also for a project, THQ's safety pin earrings session was also for school! Then the USS session started out at school while I waited for Demon to be done with Viji (enjoy kids all my support) and Megan and Blaire were at the bus stop getting impatient but understanding because it's prarong. Prarong is important.

So anyways, there are countless things we'll do together. Pity that we couldn't go out this June, all the trainings and stuff for all seven of us, we can't even get a matching day.. But hey let's catch up during class outing. Even though we sort of promised people that we won't break up into little groups, but no matter how much oh one is bonded as a whole (seriously, we love each other), we need those little people to keep us sane. People we can truly lean on. I promise I'll mix with everyone, but the buskers miss each other too. They are great, the oneders, but the buskers are a whole different story. They mean the world to me, literally.

10 things to do with the Buskers:

1. EAT like duh. We can go potluck-ing at someone's house or at the beach or under a bridge (proud to be hobos, right miz? xD ). Or if we have the $$$ actually buffet will be a good idea. Eat and eat and talk and talk and eat even more. Definitely worth it. However, a lot of us are budget-ly challenged (that's me). A normal macs meal is good too, but the staff will chase us away lorh. Demon will love this ^^

2. Go to the BEACH to SUNTAN (that's for that white Blaire, but I want to cover up my specs tanline too) EAT, SWIM, PLAY BEACH FOOTBALL (gotcha you bet it's volleyball eh? No thanks I prefer the most beautiful game on sand :) ) . We'll hog the best spot on the beach with Demon and THQ there. Under a large tree I suppose. And we'll hog the BBQ areas and benches and pavilions too. For Miz and Gwen to watch Anime, and for THQ to sleep. Demon was most probably going to prepare sandwiches for everyone but hers has the most meat and least veggies. Claire's probably taking the unglam pics of everyone (more of me yo) and Megan's going to try busking with the multi tasking Mizu. I'm going to FA and play football with hunks. Jkjk I'm eating first, then I'll drag ALL of them to play football with me. Then when it's too hot go swimming. When the water's freezing (I doubt it though I have plenty of experience with macritchie) I'll go try and suntan with my speakers. No earpieces pls, very mafan when you're lying down on a beach towel. I'll force Demon to serve me lime juice and cookies and she'll tan with me too. Blaire can serve her I suppose. Okay enough of the beach. That's the idea. We're gonna have a blast! So, THQ's still sleeping... xP

3. Night hike. Megan knows what I mean, I slept on her stomach/chest/lap last year. Before I fell asleep we just laid on the grass and watched the night sky. Not very starry, but eerily beautiful. That was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. We're gonna hike till deep into the dense forest where we can watch this scenery. Mind you, the buskers will really appreciate it. In a way, all of us love sceneries. If one of us finds something worth looking at, something really beautiful to listen to, most likely all of us will find it the same way. Only the most beautiful of all. Insider's scoop, in a sense, they always know how I'm feeling. Night hike will be one memorable buskers outing.

4. SLEEPOVER!! THQ's house would do great, cause it's huge, but as long as there's a stereo, good wifi, plenty of snacks and drinks, toilet to access, and entertainment devices like movie player (for marathons), and chargers too, can liao. Oh and we can play pranks! Blaire and Fatimah are the best xD  NOW THE PARTY DON'T START TILL I WALK IN

5. Studying. Kind of weird, huh? But yes, we do study together. Es ist nicht mugging (It's not mugging). It's a gathering with study stuff accompanied with talking but yes, work is ALWAYS done when Demon is there :)) And Gwen too

6. COOKING AND BAKING!! This will be a blast. Cakes, cookies, muffins, cupcakes, kueh, pau, dimsum, stir-fried stuff, puddings, meat-delights, sandwich, ice-cream, smoothies, potato-ey thing. Just to name a few. Actually my house would be a good place for this xD

7. Heart-to-heart talk. We have that a lot of times, and they can be about yourself, someone else, or organizing something, just like how I wanted hair for hope (I don't know if that's gonna work out but I can't think of the next step. Ugh..). Just talk, and talk, and talk. It takes up just about the whole day :)

8. Sports!! Teehee Blaire you're gonna go kayaking! Of course, I want the buskers to get to know the feeling of sitting in the boats, or in a dragonboat, but I won't force them :) I would capsize them if I could, but I think that would give them a heart attack. I used to be scared of capping (before I ever capsized hahas), but now, I just don't want to capsize. It's very mafan and frustrating when you want to train properly. Anyways, not just water sports. Let's go play football, netball, softball, or just run! Rugby would be a good thing though, always wanted to try it ^^

9. Make music. We have written a couple of songs together, only one which has a melody hahas. We can just make covers for fun, I know we'll love it. And maybe I'll finally play the piano for all of you (please remind me to bring my scores, cos the only songs I can memorize are grade 2 songs, when I'm actually grade 7...). Blaire can play the violin for all of us. I really want to hear canon in D on it, the Michelangelo (can't spell) wedding version for Kate and William. Megan can sing. Mizu can play (not me I cannot learn very fast.. ) I shall listen and enjoy :))

10. Write stories and read each others stories and laugh. Megan and I did. Currently, I have 19 unfinished stories on my com, and plenty written by hand (short and completed for most). it's kind of embarrassing to show others, because seriously, some of them are terrible, but I shall show those buskers-accepted ones to them. Some are my special stories, for myself to laugh at. Too malu to show and I can't imagine the reaction too.. But yeah, just laugh and laugh and have fun! Looking forward to Megan's stories!

So, all in all, I just wanna have a good laugh with the buskers, have fun, get to know each others hearts and minds for as long as possible before we're separated. We may not be as close anymore, but just know that the seven of us have been together for this very short part of our teenhood, and that we won't forget each other till we're old :) Love you <3

This is what Blaire and I will do to prank Demon -smirks-

Till the next time, kiddos ;D

I open my window for fresh summer air and I became Seamus Finnigan making rum

Yep. The HAZE. It is hazy, it is hazy, and it is hazy. IT'S HAZY.

Monday: Haze was alright in the morning. Trained. Then went for lunch. After lunch, we were choking from the air. Went for land. Indoor land - do weights. After weights, training cancelled.

Tuesday: Went to library in the morning. Average haze. Some people in masks liao. Spent the morning and half the afternoon eating and studying. And whatsapping. Ehehehe. At night, haze got real bad. Parents say no more training for me. OK, I report I cannot go. But I really want to...

Wednesday: Training for those whom are allowed to go. Boats check for those who can go (JH2 QMs not present..). Did the core challenge at 9AM, nothing compared to training though. I went to Kinokuniya @ Ngee Ann City (as usual, to gobble books) and not-so-usual, to escape the haze. Stayed there till lunch, ate KFC while others trained (I'm feeling guiltier by the minute..), bought 2 books, went for grocery shopping, and home. PSI was low, but air was choking-ly bad. It was 290 when I came back from theory class. But the haze at somewhat cleared a little :o funnily, PSI never seems to be accurate.. It was 321 at 10PM though. Break record le. -Come I clap for you- *Clapclapclapclapclapclap*

Thursday (Now): Woke up late (whoops). Haze really bad. All trainings cancelled. Ate breakfast, read papers, blew my nose countless times due to the never-ending amount of -I call it chemicals in your nose -.- At library now. Equipped with my Macs coupon (guilty but got offer...), homework, lappy, books, jacket, cake (I brought food in), wasser (water in german xD), mask, eyedrop, and holding in my screams at the farmers burning down the trees.

Quoting from the Army Officer/Security Guard Muthu: I DIE YOU DIE EVERYBODY DIE. Muthu FTW Muthu Curry also quite nice. Beef Rendang too. And Mutton soup. (Okay ignore that I'm kinda hungry)

So, this is my week. If you notice, haze has been occupying ALL my days so far. XIEXIENI :)

Haish, homework not completed yet...

Those little quirky people in my life who brought me here :)

First and foremost, my own family <3 Daddy, Mummy and sis. No words can describe how much you've done these 14 years, how much you've doted on me, loved me, lavished me with the hugs and kisses and scoldings too (haha I call that 'lavishing' too). Truth is, even though I'm impatient, angry, annoyed and pissed at you all sometimes, I know that I can always count on ALL of you when I'm sad about something, when I have something on my mind. Sometimes, I feel that you don't understand me, but you do. Thank you for all the advice these years. I know that you will never judge me, and you'll always love me no matter how bad I am. You'll never give up on me :) Love you all! <3

And of course, not forgetting my dearest 201 :) Thank you all for looking out for me all these time, for putting up with it when I emo (which all of us do once in a while!). You have seen me laugh, smile, complaint, scream, dance, sing (croakily) and cry. We always have disagreements, things we cannot come to a consensus, and we always get mad, but in the end, we'll still be as one. Oh one, we make oneders <3

My darling buskers, I have so many things to say, and you all know what I will say anyways xP I just want you to know that even when we're old, I want all of us to still meet up for a cuppa, to chit chat, and that I've always got your backs, just like you all have mine. Believe me, you've made my life worth living, and you guys have brought light into what I see in life, in supporting me (or dissing me sometimes haha). Just know that I love you all, forever <3

To the big canoeing family, the most important thing you all need to know is that I really, really appreciate what every single one of you have done for me. We, the JH2s, came in lost (cause we didn't know how to paddle), scared (of failure and of you all hahas) and insecure (of ourselves and the boat). Thank you for all the guidance, for not giving up on us, for the motivation every single training and after that. The reason I love the sport is because of the people inside it, and what you've taught me. It's not easy, it never is, but you guys are the reason why I still keep going all the way, not giving up. Thank you for building me, for looking after me, and all of us lost sheep who are on their way back on track. Really love you guys <3

To my own division (guys and girls): I'm really proud of all of us. We're far from the best, we have a loooooooooooooong way to go, but we've stayed strong and came this far. Many left the team, but we stayed on. Keep going, always have your backs! 

To my ahma: Thank you for listening to my rantings, for understanding, for being there all the time <3 I have a lot to say, and I'll do all that when we're in person :)) We have so many years to go, I know we're gonna be best friends one day, with Deutsche Lektion, Canoeing and most likely AH! I saw the post too by the way (I was stalking you, as usual xP), and I'm really, really touched by it.. I love you too my twinnie, thank you for being behind me no matter what, and I know you'll always have my back, whatever happens. Ich liebe dich <3

I have loads more to talk about, but those are the main few that I always see and know well :) till next time peeps! :D 

Just a little bit of weirdness, here and there :)

This blog's supposed to be about some of my moments in life which I deem as share-able, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to introduce myself (informally or formally, I don't know ;P ).

I'm Shiyun, but I have plenty of nicknames if you want: Shiyunnie, Shoon (can't spell but if means porcupine/hedgehog in Hungarian xP ), Shee-yoon (Frau Quynh and Yingrui calls me that), Ah Yun, Yun, ahma, auntie, Puan Fatimah (ever since the GS presentation...). Okay enough names now. Cannot remember all anyways hahas..

I'm currently 14 years, 4 months and 9 days old :D fifth feb is my birthday :) Birthdays aren't very special to be though.. just marks another milestone, all the same, I grow old each day.

If you've read my other posts, it's very obvious that I'm in the big canoeing family of NJ ;D proud one-der of JH201'13, the beautifully dreamy mushroom onederland of 23 little kids. Yes, we're still young (physically and at heart) :) proud busker too, wishing upon a caravan xD

I don't need a complicated life, but I just want to be different from the rest. No need to follow the crowd, I can stand out by being myself. I stand up for what I believe in, but I'll always respect what others think, even of me. I walk the path to happiness, and I'll do little things on the way to make others happy, too. I'm not just gonna live my life, I'm gonna make a difference in others' lives. I have my own influences, and I want my actions to influence others.

I do things that make me happy (even though I can't be happy all the time), and I try my best to make others feel the same. Sometimes people think I'm kind of weird, trying to make them do this and that, but yeah, just trying to keep them happy with my lame jokes xP I try to smile as often as I can (not in a pedo way, of course), but then again, there are some stuff that just ruins my day, but I push all these away as best as I can, since being happy is the key to success.

I wouldn't say I have an ambition, but I just want to have a career in social work, most probably in hospice care. I just want to brighten up people's lives, even if they are already slipping away from the world..

Okay, away from those try-to-be-deep stuff. Some random facts about me:

- I don't really like to comb my hair, but my hair's quite short anyways, so yah..

- My main languages are English and Mandarin, but German's my third language, and I understand and speak simple Malay, and I can understand most of Cantonese and I speak broken Cantonese too :D Hehe technically I speak five languages!

- Whenever I look for clothes to change into, I take the clothes at the top of my clothes pile.

- I have countless black shirts, not because I'm emo, but because it won't show much stains if I spill stuff on it (which is often)

- I always wear jean-shorts out, never long pants unless forced to, or going to somewhere farfaraway..

- I hate cutting my hair cause it's so boring to watch the scissors go SNIPSNIPSNIP and there goes my precious hair.

- My favourite colour is royal purple, followed by turquoise and chocolate brown. 

- I don't ever plan on having long hair.

- I love my tan (even if my parents think I'm too chaoda) but not my specs tanline.. (my parents won't let me put contacts when I kayak, so no point getting them)

- I can eat a hell lot. My hell lot is really a hell lot. 

- I can go about not drinking water for ages. Funnily, I don't feel thirsty.

- I've been playing the piano for the past 11 years, but I'm only at Grade 7.. no talent for music, literally. But I still love it :)

- I can play a little bit of guitar, recorder, drums and guzheng. 

- I sleep whenever I can. 

OK, enough for now. Till the next post :)

K1 Tiger High Seat (Trickery of the mind)

Number of capsizes:

At pontoon: 1

2nd lap: 2

4th: 2

5th: 1

6th: 4 (3 times within 200m, including capsizing Pearlyn)

In the bay: 2

Total: 12

First proper training in high seat. Last time I took high seat, I couldn't even get out of the pontoon, so Grace, Ying, and Celeste came to a consensus to give me a normal/low seat. They were trying to trick me into thinking that it was a very basic seat, even as a first timer in the Tiger, but it kind of failed, 'cause I couldn't go beyond 5m from the pontoon..

So this training, I was searching for a low seat. I asked around the people in Tigers, but they had already chose their boats, so no one really helped, until I asked Celeste and Ying. Took the Ferrari (it's footrest was kind of loose, so no one wanted it). When I asked Yingrui, she said that I had to get out of my comfort zone and challenged myself. So, I told myself, let's get a high seat and complete the mileage.

Celeste took a look at my seat. Her face was kind of funny(?) when she said that it was a normal seat. I was like, ohh... Then Ying just called to me, saying, it's a low seat, you can surely balance in it. I was kind of doubtful of them, but again, I can't identify seats very well, so I went along with it.

At the pontoon, I got onto the Tiger, with Shaun, Celeste and Tammy watching. Felt kind of stressed, since I highly suspected it was a high seat. I only confirmed that with Aly, who took the Ferrari the previous training. I got on the boat, paddled about 2m, and capsized. Climbed back up while Pearlyn came along to help. Got even more stressed. 4 seniors watching (I was watching them too), and Ying watching my back. Successfully got away from the pontoon. The seniors told me to sit in the center, press against the footrest equally. Yingrui told me that I could do it, since it was a low seat. I didn't answer any of them, cause I was too damn scared of capsizing again. It demoralized me a hell lot, and it was just disappointing the seniors and teachers.

Paddled up to the one thousand mark with Ying and Reuven. They were correcting my technique, while I was shaking on the boat. Luckily, no capsizes then. Made it to the 1000m mark successfully. Reuven said that my stability depended on my technique, so I tried for a further front catch and recovered at the knees, as well as to punch at eye level. Pretty hard when you are shaking so much, but didn't cap.

Paired with Nab for mileage. Suppose to clock 11km, but too many capsizes..

Every capsize had a story behind it. Recovered too far back, darling barking at me, trying to reach out but was unstable..

But thank you to all the seniors and the CJ girl and the teachers for saving me, correcting my technique and all the encouragement. I remembered that during one of my 1km set, I was behind Siong, Mad, Claire, Ying, Celeste. And I past Reuven, Teo JJ, David and Nick. They were all encouraging me, telling me not to be scared, to be confident, to reach for next stroke, keep my knees together, keep my feel together, put my weight in the center, to go all the way. Every word of encouragement really made me surge through the water (not as fast as them). At least I didn't capsize. So, thanks guys (or girls), and I'll do my best not to disappoint all of you.

Just like what Ying said, get out of my comfort zone. So what if I'm tricked my them? At least I could finish 6km. And thanks Pearlyn for saving me so many times, for following me through the longest 1km set I've ever had, and for not blaming me (and even apologising) when I capsized you during rescue.

Heart and Soul, GTD :)

Youthful innocence

 

Why am I putting up all these pictures and gifs? I'm kind of feeling emo, thinking about my childhood..

I'm far from my childhood, even though I'm just two years into teenhood. Those days of youth and innocence are far gone. When I didn't understand some things, when I just saw the world as a perfect place, treated love as pure as can be, and trusted others as easily as how Pooh loves honey. I chose to see life in a bright light, to see all things as a gift, as a blessing from God. It came so easily in the past, and right now, I'm struggling to get all those back.

Winnie the Pooh has been a huge part of my childhood. All these quotes are simple, yet meaningful. It touched my heart, yet I feel kind of sad when I see, read, and understand the meaning behind it. 

This is how children see the world. That's why they are so innocent, so beautiful, so trusting. If we see life in a such a light, maybe we would be happier too.

These messages answer some of our deepest worries, our troubled moments. Like the first image. It simply teaches us to cherish.

Sometimes, we can also learn from the young ones.

Buskers in A Caravan

It all started with a dream. (Cliche, huh?)

It started with GAP from last year (2012) and song-writing this year (2013). Our little talks on music, instruments, singing.. And Mizuki's hobo hair xD (like Beethoven)

When we grew up, graduated from NJ and University, we would still come together, stay close, and busk all around the world in our caravan. A dream fills you with hope, hope can get you somewhere, and that somewhere will get you right there. So, dreaming is the first step.

People think it's like a joke. a dream NOT come true, but we believe otherwise. This may or may not work out, but we'll try. It seems silly or stupid to others, but no, this is a teenhood thing.

So, here are the roles of the seven members:
Megan - Lead Vocalist/Vocal Trainer
THQ aka Hui Qin - Lead Rapper/2nd Guitarist/Choreographer
Demon aka Xuan Rong - Vocalist/Lead Dancer/Choreographer
Blaire aka Claire - Violinist/Pianist/Harmonizer
Mizuki aka Jonina - Lead Guitarist/Pianist
Gwyneth - Vocalist/Advertisement I/C
Shiyun aka Me - Pianist/Rapper/PT I/C

Just like that, the dream was born. Just a rough idea, a couple of laughs, brings in some light through our lives. We can always look back and laugh about this when we have our own families next time, 20 years down the road.

One day :)

The Present and The Future

I don't know what the hell is going on right now, I've been having loads of things crossing in my head. Like what I'm gonna be next time, whether I even want a guy, whether I'll be happy, where I'll be, will I have friends, am I still surviving.

My results are never part of the creme of the crop, but I do try my best. Maybe I don't study as much as others do, and that I don't have tuition (never in my life did I have that), but my results are just going down... and down... and down.

My dad keeps saying that if I truly work hard and even go for tuition, I can easily top the subjects. I just tell him I'm happy where I am. No point stressing myself out to top everything and remain there. It was like that in Primary School, and seriously, I don't want it again. I'll push myself, but in my own way. If I managed to enter NJ (even thru appealing) without studying much or having tuition, hopefully I'll survive the world. Studies are not everything, they say, but they are something.

I've been taking an interest to go into hospice care, but I will have to work hard, since it's in the medical field. I want to work on the emotional and psychological appeals though. Like for the person who has to accept his or her death, and for the family to grasp on to the fact that they're gonna lose a loved one. It's hard for me, even, but that's the only way I can find myself to lead a rewarding life. What for follow in the footsteps of everyone else in the family? Earn so much having a 9 to 5 office job, but get nothing to make your life more fulfilling.

I want to go for Hair for Hope, to shave off my hair to raise awareness of cancer in Singapore, or even around the world. So many lives were lost through this, and being bald is just a little thing I can do which can impact many. I don't think Mum and Dad will approve though. They're so concerned about physical appearance, saying that I'm too tanned, I shouldn't go out in the sun too much (I do need to train right?), my hair is too messy, I have pimples, I have scars... This is just the exterior. Can't they understand that I DON'T CARE HOW I PORTRAY MYSELF PHYSICALLY? ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE A NICER INTERIOR THAN THEM. One which doesn't berate others, doesn't insult other religions or races, one that has a proper heart. They say that I'm stone-hearted, and that they have a big heart, but all they do when they see cats is to kick at them. Big heart, eh?

Anyways, back to Hair for Hope. If I can raise funds within my class, my level, my school and my CCA, I can get a bunch of people with me to shave it too. I can do the shaving on either the 27th or 28th of July (Sat and Sun), but I got to go for Phantom of the Opera on the 27th, but there's always the 28th. But then again, there's the NWK and NMD on these two days.. so how for my team? I can always try. For those who are suffering, and for those who are gone.

If I can get 20 shavees, we can hold it in NJ itself. We should be able to raise $5000 at least. If there are 2000 students, about 150 staff members, each one can donate around $5? I'll get that idea going with Demon, I think she'll be really willing to help. And perhaps some teachers too.

This is for all those out there who are suffering. Praying for all of you.