be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.

Inter-cca relays for track meet this morning.

I can imagine everyone talking about how slow we are, that even if we train so much running, paddling and weights, it never reflects during intra-college competitions.

I guess you didn't know that we had intervals before the heats. And right after the heats ended, we returned straight to training. When everyone else was gathered at the start line for finals, we were still in the midst of bridging. And with jelly legs we went to race. And once the finals ended, we joined training once again.

Everyone else was celebrating and marveling at their own positions. We didn't even practice the passing of baton, and we had to sub people in at the last moment. It was all very rushed, and we were tired from training too. We came in fourth, so no medal, but I'm really proud of our relay team. There'll always be talk about our cca, it can't be avoided. So we just try and turn a deaf ear to it.

And we're having 2.4 time trials with the basketballers next Thursday. I'm just going to give my all and break my PB by chasing every single person in front of me, and put up a really good fight with whoever tries to overtake me. It's not going to be easy for me, but I'll make sure it won't be easy for the rest of the bball girls in my cohort too.

Something happened at late morning, basically it was related to canoeing, with people talking about it right in front of my face. If it's something bad or that you're gonna badmouth it, then you're doing it quite openly. Even if I can't exactly hear, I pretty much know the gist from the panicked look in your eyes when you saw me looking at you.

But never mind. It's of no use to me anyway.

And so about water, I was actually very sian before it started. So I left school early to emo on the bus on the way to macritchie. Then I just slacked around until it was time to carry boats, then the training feeling kicked in. 

Oh Kape 27 is so nice (I borrowed it for 2 hours, you can have it back Celeste ;) ) Katie and 28 is also very nice XD 

Programme was 8X1000m, but we only managed to do six sets of 1000m and two sets of 550m. It was somewhat like fartlek, 100m 100%, 50m 20% until you finish the distance. It sounded pretty bad, but when you're on water, the feeling just disappeared. You just go there and do it, and just forget about everything else.

I had no one to pace with today, so I just kept counting the buoys and motivating myself inside. The first set was really bad, but it got better as the sets progressed. I think I've finally began kicking in a Kape, because previously, I was really worried about tilting and capsizing if I kicked on a K1 during sprint sets. My kicking goes haywire on a K2 and K4, especially when I panic, but in a K1, I magically forget to twist and kick or reach out for the catch. But today, it was so much better. (but I'm still rainbowing a lot)

So during the final 1000m set, Nick and John were shouting encouragement in the next lane. Usually, the seniors would say, "Go NJ", "Come on, come on", "Still strong", but John said something which really made me push the last 100m.

He just kept shouting, "For the JH4s, Shiyun, for the JH4s"

I swear, the feeling was really magical. I just focused on the finishing point and that one line. And the final set was my best set, I could really push the last bit so much more than the previous sets.

I wouldn't be where I am right now without the JH4 girls. And fighting hard for every single set is the least I can do for them. They are a really amazing bunch of people, I love all of them for many different reason hahaha XD but basically I wouldn't be who I am now, even, without them :)

And so that was how Shun's Thursday went.

I'm going to get something to eat now and refill bobo junior.

No one has to run away, you know.

You know the story of Noah and Allie?

The only thing different is that we already have the notebook.

There are two versions, one with you and one with me.

And even if you throw yours away and try to forget everything, I'm gonna chase after you with these memories and show you that some things don't change.

I'll read everything to you, as long as you promise not to leave. And even if you do, I'm still gonna force you to listen to me, and I'm going to make you come back.

Unless it hurts you.

But I promise that I won't let you be unhappy.

Even when the pages turn yellow, please don't tear them away.

Even if the cover softens with age, please don't rip it off.

Even if you are gonna leave, please take it with you.

And when the papers fall out, and everything starts to crumble, I'm gonna put it all back together.

Just like how you did with me.

When you put all the broken pieces together.

And being here without you

It’s like I’m waking up to

Only half a blue sky

Kinda there but not quite

I’m walking round with just one shoe

I’m half a heart without you

I’m half a man, at best

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do

I’m half a heart without you.

It would be a lie to say people don't drift.

But it would be an excuse to say that when you meet new people, you let go of the old ones.

You don't even say goodbye.

You just disappear from their lives.

We stop hugging each other from behind.

We stop asking each other how our day went.

And in the end, we don't even say hi along the corridors anymore.

Please don't let that happen.

We all have big hearts, with a lot of space to accommodate a lot of people.

It's just that we choose to let that space remain as a space, when we don't have to.

No one will ever replace you in my heart, I swear.

Babe you would never see what I saw in you.

You don't know how much you mean to me.

You were the only one who knew me inside out.

The one I vented everything at.

The one I kept hurting.

Yet you were the one who saved me over and over again.

And no matter how many times I say that, you're not going to listen, because you will never see yourself in the way I see you.

If you ever look at yourself through my eyes, you will see a captivatingly beautiful girl.

Please don't let go.

We've just started writing this story.

It's barely past the beginning.

The ending is so far away.

So sit down with me and we'll write it together.

It’s not goodbye.

It’s “I’ll see you soon”.

life's terminal.

For starters I don't want to go in depth (much as I want to one day) on life and death right now, but rather, I just stumbled upon a 30-day challenge which I'm not doing besides several of them so here's a couple of items from my bucket list :)

You can view my bucket list on the web version of my blog (mobile doesn't show I think) so here are some which I thought I would elaborate a bit more on!

- Hiking the Appalachian Trail

Living in Singapore means that I can only go hiking at Bukit Timah Hill so hopefully, I can just go there with a couple of people I love for a camping trip, and the sights, smells and sounds will definitely be a once-in-a-lifetime thing ;) it's 3500km, with all sorts of plant species and animals we don't see at Sungei Buloh such as bears and elks. It's quite exciting to have a bear confrontation and escape alive, you know :D I don't think I can ever finish hiking the entire trail, it'll take half a year for me haha but I can spend maybe a week or two up there with some friends and we can have quality time together in the wild XD being away from the city means lesser stress and worries, we can let our animal side (not the insane one) take over us and truly have the experience of our lives :-)

It can teach us that we don't have to hurry around all the time, two weeks of hiking is a good break from all the stress given to us by the society. Sometimes, all we need is time with the people we love and fresh air.

- Swimming with dugongs and dolphins

They are the gentlest marine creatures I can think of, I haven't even swam with fishes before (unless you count Macritchie/Kallang). While I love animals, I'm always worried that they will hurt me until I get used to their company haha. I was initially afraid of stingrays until I went for the feeding session, they are actually really playful creatures, it was an amazing experience sitting in the water feeding them sotongs and fishes. Dugongs and dolphins are huge but to be able to spend time with gentle giants will be a lovely experience, I just love being in water, basically ;-)

- Growing old with someone I love.

It will most probably be someone I know now :) it can be a really close friend whose like your family member, someone who watched me grow up, get married, have a family, and I'll do the same in turn ;) to have old friends who know you for ages must be a great feeling (since I'm too young to have old friends), you can laugh over 40 years of friendship together XD

- 3 kids and a beautiful family

Children bring a lot of joy to the family, as well as trouble, stress, and worries, but the happiness easily surpasses all these problems :-) to watch your own children grow up, learn to speak, it's one of the most beautiful things in this world, it's like you're watching a movie about someone you love, and you know you are a big part of it ;) and while no family is perfect, there's no doubt that family makes you happy, and a beautiful family comes with laughter, trust and a love which knows no bounds <3

- Travel Europe with my buskers

That's a dream I hope can be fulfilled before we have families of our own, when it's harder to find time. We can just do it when we're still young and energetic and with time on our hands, and just have the most magical experience ;)

We can stay in motels, busk on park benches, eat at tiny diners, and spend time with each other :) we needn't plan anything, just go there and chase after boys, race each other on gondolas, then worry about where we are going next when we feel like travelling once more ;D

I'm grateful for all the people who took care of me in the past 15 years :)

no rushing in a river.

This week was a pretty good one, and very special indeed :) though stress is piling up from school and nats schools, let's look on the bright side and be happy

First of all, I've gotten a lot better and back to training! 

And it's my birthday week, thank you to all those who celebrated this special day with me, it truly means a lot :)

Knowing that I have so many people I love taking care of me all the time; thank you for everything! <3

Anyways, my first weights session in 3 weeks was on Tuesday. I struggled a lot, but I'm just glad I'm back to training, rather than watching my team train from the window of my 'jail cell' which is basically the cca room. The reps increased by quite a bit and I struggled during bench pull most (usually bench press feels worse) and I felt really tired while doing tyre flips, but besides that it was quite a nice feeling being back in the weights room haha. 

Then my fifteenth birthday! -confetti- 

Spent time with my oneders during lunch, they sang for me twice *感动* and thank you for the handwritten notes and gifts, many of them which were really unexpected too! I kept on rereading all the christmas, new year and birthday cards; they really help when you are upset or troubled, or when you just need a laugh :-) thank you for using your time to get those gifts and write those cards, it's really lovely of you guys 8D 

2.4 on Thursday was a killer I swear, first running land in three weeks is a trial D: clocked the same timing as the previous trial, barely under 12 again, but I'm motivated to train harder and get my fitness back after recovering! I was feeling sick after running six rounds plus joining the juniors right afterwards, and I have no idea why my legs felt jelly-like, but it got slightly better after pullups. By the time land ended, the feeling disappeared, and I'm glad for that fact (because I was afraid I was gonna fall sick again).

Macritchie has really good air by the way. My blocked nose cleared after water trials (it's still cleared now), and I'm feeling a lot better than in the previous weeks. So trials were fine, my cycle is still too slow for the K4, I just can't let my paddle enter the water the same time as Bao, it's always a little too late. I have to make up seven water trainings to meet requirements, so as long as my parents allow it, four times a week for water. (and this is for the next seven weeks and nats is in nine weeks)

I hope the K4 rudder will be fine, if there was some lucky draw which we can choose what our prize is I would ask for boats which are durable and in excellent condition and won't spoil so we don't have to worry about our equipment getting damaged all the time... and there are two K2 tigers without rudders, and we are only left with 3 working K2 tigers, plus so many boats have chips, scratches, cracks, leakages and missing screws (I always feel sad when I look at K2 06, the front is chipped so badly) and the Ferrari's gonna be scrapped due to it's natural tilt (tearful goodbye to the boat that earned me two 4th placings during NCC'13), our sport is literally equipment-based, we get punished whenever we damage our boats/paddles, and hopefully when I graduate, at least half the boats we have now are still in good condition when I return as super senior.

It has been a good week even though I've been rambling alot about not-very-positive stuff. I think it's just because many people made me happy this week, that's why :)

One day please :D