I don't know what the hell is going on right now, I've been having loads of things crossing in my head. Like what I'm gonna be next time, whether I even want a guy, whether I'll be happy, where I'll be, will I have friends, am I still surviving.
My results are never part of the creme of the crop, but I do try my best. Maybe I don't study as much as others do, and that I don't have tuition (never in my life did I have that), but my results are just going down... and down... and down.
My dad keeps saying that if I truly work hard and even go for tuition, I can easily top the subjects. I just tell him I'm happy where I am. No point stressing myself out to top everything and remain there. It was like that in Primary School, and seriously, I don't want it again. I'll push myself, but in my own way. If I managed to enter NJ (even thru appealing) without studying much or having tuition, hopefully I'll survive the world. Studies are not everything, they say, but they are something.
I've been taking an interest to go into hospice care, but I will have to work hard, since it's in the medical field. I want to work on the emotional and psychological appeals though. Like for the person who has to accept his or her death, and for the family to grasp on to the fact that they're gonna lose a loved one. It's hard for me, even, but that's the only way I can find myself to lead a rewarding life. What for follow in the footsteps of everyone else in the family? Earn so much having a 9 to 5 office job, but get nothing to make your life more fulfilling.
I want to go for Hair for Hope, to shave off my hair to raise awareness of cancer in Singapore, or even around the world. So many lives were lost through this, and being bald is just a little thing I can do which can impact many. I don't think Mum and Dad will approve though. They're so concerned about physical appearance, saying that I'm too tanned, I shouldn't go out in the sun too much (I do need to train right?), my hair is too messy, I have pimples, I have scars... This is just the exterior. Can't they understand that I DON'T CARE HOW I PORTRAY MYSELF PHYSICALLY? ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE A NICER INTERIOR THAN THEM. One which doesn't berate others, doesn't insult other religions or races, one that has a proper heart. They say that I'm stone-hearted, and that they have a big heart, but all they do when they see cats is to kick at them. Big heart, eh?
Anyways, back to Hair for Hope. If I can raise funds within my class, my level, my school and my CCA, I can get a bunch of people with me to shave it too. I can do the shaving on either the 27th or 28th of July (Sat and Sun), but I got to go for Phantom of the Opera on the 27th, but there's always the 28th. But then again, there's the NWK and NMD on these two days.. so how for my team? I can always try. For those who are suffering, and for those who are gone.
If I can get 20 shavees, we can hold it in NJ itself. We should be able to raise $5000 at least. If there are 2000 students, about 150 staff members, each one can donate around $5? I'll get that idea going with Demon, I think she'll be really willing to help. And perhaps some teachers too.
This is for all those out there who are suffering. Praying for all of you.
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