come back to me.

No I'm still on WordPress.

It's just that all the memories of the two beautiful years I had in NJ were written here.

I just read Siyang's blog. Everything's coming back, and like what Hweezy wrote, 1st November is coming up so soon.

How the heck did one year pass so fast?

I don't think a lot of people will see this, and if you ever do, I assume you are a oneder. After all, 'human moments' were witnessed by my oneders.

I remember table one with Joel, Xinyi and Mizuki.

I remember Mizuki having black carrot cake on an orange plate from The Big Wok on the first day of school. I called her Jonina back then. I asked for a short form, she said Nina. It's mizuki now.

It's three years now.

Gosh no. Why is time passing so freaking fast? Why is it that one year is passed, and I feel like I have done no shit?

I remember that my first table before assigning seats was with Hweezy, Jo and Jia.

I remember my first time having lunch with the oneders at the canteen extension, when Moni was talking a lot.

I was thinking back then, how is an introvert going to fit in? I hate NJ, I hate my class.

They proved me wrong. They proved every freaking thing I thought about them wrong. They showed me how to love, through their own actions, not words like so many other people.

I remember meeting Xinyi and Wang for the first time, when Wang pounced on me outside the library, asking how the Chinese paper was. I freaked out.

I remember having a hell lot of crushes in JH1.

I remember running after Praveen to get my phone after my love confession.

They read everything by the way. But they are family after all. :)

I remember sitting with Jinwen, Megan and Ek Hoe. One of the best tables, ever.

I remember mistaking demon for rongxuan, and xuanru.

I remember meeting demon for the first time at the oasis, where she asked me about my family.

My favourite people in the world, it's been three years. Thank you for loving me so much, so unconditionally. Oh, I may not show that I remember these things, but gosh, I don't forget all these little things.

I remember making demon angry, when I sat with Wang and Siyang. We swapped all the pens in her pencil case.

We apologized after that haha.

I remember sitting with Siyang and Chonghui - The Three Musketeers.

I sang with Chonghui all the time. Thanks for making 2013 so fun girl <3

I wonder if anyone will see this. If you do, I want to tell you one thing.

You are worth it, you are so loved, don't you dare forget that.

I remember FBT, bitch******.

I remember Mamy Poko Pants and Chikaladingdong.

I remember sharing with each other in that circle and we ended up crying.

I remember that during the Captain's Ball game, we were so emotional because we didn't know who was supposed to win.

I remember Netball in JH1 when I cried after the game.

Yes, the ball whacked my chin. But that was only a minor reason. I couldn't take loss at that time.

Confession time now.

Thank you, my beautiful people, for teaching me that winning isn't everything.

I remember Angie Chen trying to steal my campbell soup after my accident in JH1.

Actually not just angie. Most people, honestly.

I remember Xinyi having the honour of taking my first photo on my S2.

I have all your selfies by the way. They are very precious to me. I bluetoothed all of them to my s3.

I remember GAP, when Hweezy Jo Lua Kush performed here comes the sun and let it be.

I remember wang jia moni angie performing to SNSD.

I remember my busker's performance, when I crossed-dressed in a swimsuit to earn my A+.

I remember chonghui gwen rx hy performing MJ.

I remember the guys doing NSYNC.

I remember all of us struggling to remember the songs we were gonna be tested on. That educated my music taste.

Mizuki and Wang sang 21 guns during guitar lessons.

There was schokoriegel - me, meg and aden.

Then hweezy, kush, demon did Taylor Swift teardrops on my guitar.

I remember songwriting.

"even if you tear your wedding dress."

I remember watching all of you fall asleep in class. Even demon.

I remember the times we broke down.

I remember the bawling on 1st november last year. It broke my heart.

I remember the little speeches. Best Song Ever. We got stuck on Louis' line.

Freaking painful.

I remember Aristal, when we rooted for our beautiful dancers.

I remember boarding, trying to eat dinner together as a class.

I remember Mr Lee's CCE lessons.

I remember chan shi yun.

I remember all of us practicing our speeches except for demon.

And yes she wowed us.

Twice.

One, alone. Two, merchant of venice.

I remember all of us failing our compre.

I remember the physics stuff when my group made good predictions. (proud physics kid haha)

I remember myself being sucky at frisbee.

I remember Ian breaking the plate in IS practical.

I remember chromatography but not understanding what the hell it was about.

I remember when hweezy got stitches and all of us panicked.

I remember bobby.

I remember krispy kreme donuts on 1st november and island creamery once in a while.

I remember how our looks changed, depending on the botanic garden pictures.

Yes, wang had very nice spectacles.

I remember the class tracking blaire's progress from innocence to ahem ahem.

I remember richard dickson.

And wrecking ball.

I need to spit all this out now, can't stop this, or I can't sleep tonight for shit.

I remember art lessons with Ms Amy, clio ding and Ms Yeh.

I remember how bad I was.

I remember being insulted all of you lovely people.

Well, my voice has improved.

And I still want to go on billboard.

I remember pissing Mr Chew and Mr Chua off.

I remember how we struggled with fallacies.

I remember how we started to curse more often, especially in JH2.

Even more now.

I remember insulting all of your ECs. You can insult mine too.

My taste really isn't very good.

But THQ's taste is good.

I remember all the times Megan baked for us.

I remember demon stealing food from everyone.

I remember megan turning from saliva conscious to another demon.

I remember blaire remaining saliva conscious.

I remember how the ducks kind of attacked us at botans.

I remember how we were caught for poker cards.

I remember Sharon's friends.

I remember our CIP.

HO HO HO.

I remember praveen writing essays in our books.

I remember malaysia trip, when we were separated.

Stupid planners.

Sorry for insulting.

But nonetheless, it was fun.

I remember being unable to eat the spicy food.

I remember having to pee oh-so often, with wang.

I remember all of you.

I remember how all of you saw me in my vulnerable moments.

I remember that you are the best listeners, best advisors and the best people to exhibit what love means.

I remember your faces.

I remember your voices.

I remember the way you walk, the way you laugh.

I remember all of your hairstyles and shoes.

I remember your handwriting. I would recognize it anywhere.

I remember all your insecurities, just like how you know mine.

I remember how it does not matter at all.

I remember everything you taught me.

I remember onederland.

Hello hello :-)

I've temporarily migrated to WordPress because of the nice templates but it's so hard to update there >.<

Probably returning to blogger after a trial period of a month (or less)

Go and visit :)

grumpybreadcrumbs.wordpress.com

By the way I just realised you can't view my posts unless you go to an error page by adding random stuff behind the url, then you can choose to view my extremely short post because I ran out of ideas to blog about.

Toodles ;-)

The first couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful, just the usual classes and the lack of training, but boarding makes things slightly better :)

SO...

I think our selfie skills damn good 

This is Megan's response to me telling her how amazing Xinyi and I were 

I'm glad to have been able to catch up with my favorite people in the world, over dinner or grocery shopping trips or midnight pantry talks :")

My lovelies

My watermelon gals who are flattening their chests

Midnight memories

Asia's next top model for washing machines ;-)

I used an old fifty-cent coin to save money and the machine decided to stop working until I gave more money.

So thankful for this girl in my life

My resident crooner, philosopher and yoga master - all at once.

Aristal was last Friday and I found it absolutely, incredibly beautiful.

Went with Meg, Praveen and Siyang, we got quite a good view of the stage :D

(forgive the quality, all of us are actually very attractive and photogenic)

Special mention to this gal - I'm so blessed to have you in my life, I have no idea how I would have survived the past years without you. Thank you for dealing with my nonsense and endless streams of complaints and narcissistic comments, most people would have gone wild from trying to keep me quiet for a few moments. Thank you for loving me for me, I'm eternally grateful to you Megan Quek, and I will love you even if your eyebrows fail to become as thick as mine. 

1/3 of the oneders, we are so proud of you girls!! The stars of the show :-)

NJNB JHIC - your title damn atas sweetie. I am so proud of you, such an all rounder :') Who knew lending a pen in LT1 would eventually blossom into such a fantastic relationship?'

Almost half of the AH kids :))

My lovely THQ loves with no bounds, something I aspire to have so much. I promise I'm gonna stick around and annoy you for a very long time, so please get ready ;P

And to Emma, I'm so glad we got close this year :") WD's item was fantastic!! Thank you for holding my hand during the bad times and for your unwavering support, love you bby girl <3

We just started talking one day, she's fun-loving and a great bud to be with

Never forgetting my girl. She reads me so well, I'm so lucky to have her in my life. We're at different ends of the corridor, but I'm glad we're still so close, love you babe :*

No doubt my favourite JH1 group + bby girl Wang

This post is all over the place, I'll edit it another day sighs.

To my princesses, thank you for loving me so much.

NSDB marks the halfway mark of my journey as a bdiv girl, here's a big hug to everyone who was there along the way!!👳I couldn't be more thankful for your presence and words and I hope I've made you happier than before you started on this path :-)

It's a truly beautiful feeling to have the people you love being around you all the time. You rest in the comfort that you'll see them soon, that they will always be there for you to fall back on. I am so lucky, so blessed.

You gave me so much more than what I gave you. If only I could show you through my own eyes all the joy you've brought into my life.

It has been a dizzying past year, on a roller coaster of corkscrews and whirlwinds. I had a whale of time, and it doesn't end here. I still want to see you smile every day and hold your hand when you need me to, or just rolling around in the mud ;")

Yesterday's race was for you girls okay, to end your bdiv journey and season with nsdb 1st :)

for these beautiful girls,

from shun with all her love

When you get to know someone…

… all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body, but not your heart. That’s why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

filling the void.

"Too many things have been happening these two weeks." That was what Daddy said to me when we were walking to the carpark, just the both of us.

Who knew we had to lose two people within a week? When the grief is still raw, someone else goes. Both sides of the family are in mourning. On the outside, everyone smiles and pretends that nothing happened, but the number of people breaking down inside is overwhelming.

Life is so precious and you learn that the hardest way.

"She passed away."

"He passed away this afternoon."

"Okay."

What else can you say?

On the first night of the wake, the pastor was talking to Daddy, and I was just sitting a few tables away, listening to every word and regretting so many things I've done the past years.

Pastor: 你们很疼你的妈妈。

Dad: What can I do? 只有一个母亲。

That just hit me in the gut.

It was the first time the adults were speaking so openly about her, and sis and I just quietly listened from the side. They talked about the food she cooked, the dialects she spoke, her fashion sense and everything else I never got to see, hear or experience. On the final day, my dad's cousin-in-law just came up to me and said, "I had the privilege of trying her food, before her stroke." I wish I could say the same.

The day before she left us, I didn't visit her. Sis and I had work to do, so we just said, "next week". That next week never came. It's a relief, after 20 years of suffering. No more pain for her. She's finally healed, up there. Yet, even when we prepared ourselves for the worst, it still hurts.

And for the first time, we sat down as a family and talked about death openly. In her final months, she was on a feeding tube. We could have chosen not to let her have the feeding tube, then she'll go earlier. But removing it was equivalent to starving her. And having the tube there, it's letting her suffer more so that we could get more days with her. 

Did we increase the misery of her days without increasing the number of it? I'm not sure, and I hope not.

An hour after I found out she left us, I wrote this:

Is the family gonna fall apart from grief? When both parents are no longer around us physically, do the ties between siblings cease to exist? When we lose a set of our grandparents, do we stop having cousins and aunts and uncles?

It was only on the day of the funeral when I finally grasped the fact that she was gone. I was prepared, no doubt, but it was so hard for sis and I to accept it. She's in a better place, that's all we can tell each other. Nothing more.

Another wake being held just a week after her passing. I don't think anyone's handling it fine.

All along, we knew that they were dying.

Knowing, understanding and acceptance are totally different things.

"I hope you will remember her forever." Daddy said.

I wanted to give a eulogy for her during the service, but I knew I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. This is my tribute to her:

In my fifteen years, I've never heard her voice or seen her walk, but she knows of your presence. She looks at you when you hold her hand, you don't have to speak to get a response. Once in a while, she squeezes your hand back - she understands. That was how we communicated for years, and she lives through the stories Dad and Mum tell once in a while. It's not everything, but it's good enough. She's special, and she is the reason why I've always wanted to do social work. Rest in peace, ah ma, I'll remember you.

And to my great-uncle: We lost you today. I've never gotten to know you well, but every time we met, you would pamper us with gifts. I'm sorry you had to suffer these few months, but I knew you were happy. Rest well.

that summer seemed to last forever.

My final sprint race of 2014, thank you for making it so memorable :") 

Those little magical moments mean the world to me. 

To my kids, no words can describe how proud I am of every single one of you. You girls are so endearing, I'm really lucky to have such wonderful juniors. The transition into bdiv won't be easy, but you girls are so strong. And I see it in what you do, the way you speak, I couldn't be happier. We'll do this together, kay? :-)

My seven other princesses, you were my miracle. 

I first met you girls when you were in JH2, and you're in Adiv now, time flies so fast :') I still can't remember the transition from black and scary seniors to my affectionate, unladylike ladies :P 

Our little but infinite forever ♥

my beloved k4

BERESHUN HURHUR

Here's to a fantabulous journey ahead :)

she stood by as it fell apart, separate rooms and broken hearts, but I won't be the one to let you go.

So this blogpost is dedicated to Emma. Shoutout to my baby girl (who certaily did not write this herself).

She is the joy of my life, the reason why I drag myselF to school every dreadful day. I remember the first day we met. It was during JH1 boarding. Term 4. I remember it as if it was just yesterday. She stared silently at me as I made my unwelcome and unstated entrance into hui qin's room to take food from the cupboard. Her eyes followed me in and out of the door. I knew then,

<3

And so I quoted this word for word, including all the spelling errors and her excellent skills of typing on an android keyboard :P

I'm supposed to talk more about our love story (like add on to everything she praised herself about) but I might end up praising myself instead soooooooo

I love her lah ;)

I met her in JH1 boarding because THQ boarded with her, and I found her slightly scary and high XD so for our two terms of boarding, I think we said hi a few times, it was so awkward because our only link was Hui Qin (and she was asleep three quarters of the time).

I'm so so glad I got to know this girl this year, I love sitting with her in Math and in all my other classes in Term 1!! S.A.F.E and Saved :')

She's one of the main reasons my perspective of 301 started to change for the better, and I had a lot of bad days this year (especially in term 1), but her jokes/singing/talking/presence makes me so much happier, thanks so much bby girl :*

The way she chases after God is amazing, I really admire it :))
I guess I'm hesitant about sharing the fact that I'm a believer with people, but I'm glad I got the chance to do so with Emma, and it really felt good :-)

I love watching her draw in class (oops creepy) and singing with her and we all know who sings better ;)))

She sings, she dances, she draws, and that's wonderful, but what I love most about her is how genuine she is and how she's not afraid to show her love for the people and things around her :)

It's still funny how we never talked for two years and suddenly when we are in a new class we (I) start to talk to new people xD Honestly, I'm really lucky to have met this girl, I may not show it but she made my day so many times, like took my mind off my worries for hours and made things so much better :)

Love you bby girl <3

MYEs are over!! :D

Exactly six months and one day ago, it was homeroom day.

(reading all the blog posts and rewatching the video when I was supposed to study for AH :P )

5 months have flew past so fast, and you feel that rush, that need to grow up, to catch up with time. But you can't bring your lazy ass to do it. Or you just don't want to.

Summary of the first five months of 2014:

- 301

I think things are starting to get better here; I'm adapting fine to it, but there are only a couple of people I'm close to here, namely the buskers and a few others I knew beforehand. But it's nice talking to Claire almost every night in boarding, and Emma when we were sitting together in term 1! They are very genuine people :) I would really like to know the rest better, but it's still awkward and all /: I guess since we have four years together, we can take it slow ba :) it's worlds apart as compared to how I met the JH4s, when things got so much better really fast! 

Just two days ago, THQ shared something with the buskers, which made me feel really guilty about my attitude towards my new class, and it taught me a lot, honestly. 

- Prep for Nats/ NSCC 2014/Post-nats

This little journey so far has been wonderful, so blessed to have grown close to these girls :') every single week leading up to the competition, you learn new things, changes occur, and every little thing brings us closer together, I think that's pretty magical ;) and even though I hardly see you girls after nats anymore, cos of step down and being in different exam halls, those moments when we see each other or when we text on the phone, it's special, still :) nothings beats talking face to face, must go out soon ah! 

- Ass-2-weeks

Don't know if I should be happy that assweek ends much earlier this year, or be upset that it starts one week after step down. I think out of all the LIBs, I complain about ass week the most :P I see the way the rest study, with all their notes spread out on the table, while I just bring down my laptop, a few notes, a pen, food and my phone.

Results are coming back next week I think, so gonna party hard every day for now :P Went out with THQ and Megan after AH paper to watch Spidey at Lido!! The buskers only go to two places for outings: Lido or National Library. It has to be fair, so everyone must travel XP

Training starts next monday after three weeks of eating.

Unrelated but I've always liked Crookshanks (and Mrs.Norris too)

She is the only person left in the world who shares my memories of our childhood, our parents, our Shanghai, our struggles, our sorrows, and, yes, even our moments of happiness and triumph.

Having an older sister is like having someone you can have wild moments to deep talks with, who watched you grow from a hamburger-shaped baby to the teen you are today, who know all your dirty secrets, bad habits, your pressure points and emotional weaknesses, yet she makes me strong and taught me through her own experiences that trusting someone is hard but when you finally pass that stage, it's an incredible feeling.

You had all the first times - first to go to Woodgrove, to find out who the teachers were and told me about it, taught me how to sing the school song when I was in Kindergarten. Letting me meet my future teachers during your PTMs, trying out the canteen food 3 years before me, finding out all the arrival and dismissal timings so that I wouldn't be late for anything. Even back in PCF, you got to try the toilets first (which had no locks). You wanted to learn piano and you started at Yamaha before having the fierce Mdm Tan at Ossia, then as the annoying younger sister I was (and still am), I copied you and was lucky enough to have a sweet, patient lady as my first teacher. 

I realised all our parallels in life. You watched Miss Tan come out of school to teach music, starting to date and finally got married, has a son of her own and is now taking care of her kids. I had Miss Han, after her battle with cancer she taught me at P2, and I secretly listened to her band's music and watched her get engaged to Khai (and looked at their pictures on her phone), then she was pregnant with her daughter when I was in P6. We had teachers who watched us grow up as we watched them develop as people in society as well.

Then when you entered FCS, you were the first among all the kids to go to secondary school, and I didn't understand all the quarrels you had with mum. I didn't understand back then that adjusting to a new school, to new people, was so hard, especially when you were the first.

Right now, as I type this, I'm listening to you talking to the mio lady about the internet connection at home, because I chickened out at the last moment to talk to some stranger on the line. What am I gonna do without you, when you grow up and start dating, while I'm still struggling to complete my studies? No one to crawl into my bed at night to talk about everything under the sky before going on vacation, no one to buy bubble tea or fries as a treat when I come home early. No one to bake me cakes and cookies and cook my lunch and dinner during the holidays. No one to ask me about my school and training life without nagging. No one to scream with me when we see cockroaches and lizards. No one to exchange shoes and dresses with when we go for weddings and formal occasions. No one to buy the occasional dinner on rainy sundays, no one to complain about how slippers are meant to make you slip. No one to defend me when mum and dad rant on about my training and depleting grades.

As a kid, I would always question your actions, your words, why you would make mum and dad upset or angry. Right now, the same thing is happening once more, just that I'm the one in the picture instead.

Remember when dad was so angry once, he didn't want you to go to NDP? After all your marching drills every Saturday from 4AM to midnight, he didn't want you to go. I can't imagine how you felt back then. But mum managed to convince him somehow and you went ahead with it. Then, on National Day itself, we were at home waiting for you to appear on TV, and when you did, I could see the pride swelling in their eyes, I could see how proud they were of you. And I asked myself whether I will be able to do the same one day, to let them be proud of me, too.

Whenever they talked about NDP, about the honour, I would get all pissed and upset, because I wanted the same treatment. I always said that it was nothing, marching in the parade wasn't as amazing as it seemed to be, but believe me, I'm so proud of how far you've come. How you persevered on despite nearly fainting during the drills, how you went on giving your best despite the uncertainty of really marching on the day itself. In spite of all our quarrels and physical fights and cold wars, thank you for being so loving and forgiving.

Thank you for always showing how proud you are of me, even though I never show them openly. Mum and Dad used to be so proud of my grades in primary school, and you always said that you wanted my results. But I want to be like you. To have your patience, your determination, your generosity. Always forgiving, not one to hold grudges, mild-mannered and always kind to everyone. You would do things for anyone, while I select the few people I'm close to. You always trusted your friends no matter what they did to you, while I still doubted people I've known for years. You would print out the music scores and learn them by heart, while I thumped on the piano keys, struggling to pass the exams while you aced them. Dad always said how generous you were, that you were a gentle giant, while I'm just a selfish prat who thinks too much about herself.

Do you see how much you changed me into a better person?
You showed me through your actions how to be kind, gentle, and forgiving.
You taught me how to give people second, third, fourth chances, because we are all still learning.
You taught me how to have fun and live life to the fullest and forget about people judging us.
You taught me how to love myself, to love others, and blame no one for the mistakes.

So many things you did for me - I took so long to see it. To appreciate it.

All the little things the older kid does for the younger one. Letting them choose what they like for dinner, letting them have the larger slice of cake, letting them get the drumsticks and finish the sweet drinks even though you want it so much. Taking the blame when both are in the wrong, always taking the first step so that the younger one would never experience disappointment or failure. You were the first to try the roller coasters, alone, so that you could gauge whether I would throw up after the ride. You tried the weird foods before I did so that I didn't have to experience any horrible aftertastes. Popo says that I'm the outgoing, braver one, but you are. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have taken that first step, to get to where I am. I just watched as you tried out new things, and I didn't help you when you encountered with problems, all I did was to remind myself not to do the same and when I succeeded, I just forgot who helped me get there and just think that I conquered it all by myself.

It's funny how they say that the younger one lives in the shadow of the older one (and I believed it, at first), but seeing how the adults always talk about my results, my achievements, while you stand by the side and smile, it must have been so hard on you. I used to overlook all these things, but now that I realise it, I couldn't be prouder of how far you've come, and I know that you can go so much further, just believe in yourself because I believe in you :)

So many times I wished that I was the only child. So many times I wished that I had an older brother instead. But I know I couldn't have done it without you.

We had so many matching clothes when we were little, before I entered primary school. Then a long period of six years when we had the petty fights and both of us were trying to grow up quickly (you succeeded, I failed). When I entered NJ, things got better between us, because I was finally able to think straight, to understand you, and it's getting better each day :) we haven't wore our matching checkered shirts/skinny jeans/converse yet! Soon ah xD

When we were younger (or when I had more time out of school/training), dad would tell us stories of our childhood, and you know which was my favourite one? It was when I was a few months old, and dad left you with me for a little while, in the living room, and he saw you patting my head, watching over me. Usually, the older sibling would be jealous of the care received by the baby, but you were different. Like what dad always said, you were a gentle giant ;-)

You didn't have to watch over your hell of a younger sister, who was always out of step from the crowd, who was in that weird world, but you did (and knocked some sense into me). Even if I didn't notice the little sacrifices you made for me, I won't say that I was completely ignorant of your bad times. Just that I didn't think it was a big deal back then.

I watched you cry in your room when you were in sec school, after mum and dad's scolding. It was always because of outings with friends, cca commitments, grades, attitude. It would have been a hell lot worse if I was the first kid. You were always the independent one, I was the tag-along who somehow managed to make the right moves and not get into so much trouble.

The turning point in our relationship was in mid-P6, on the cruise. It's been almost 3 years, it's funny how we can still remember them. I used to think that you looked good with Andre :P then Abby and Debbie introduced us to good music. Berlin and Nicole were the ahlians among us, and those four days are just so magical, even until now.

When ahgong passed away, I watched you cry in public for the first time, I watched Dad cry for the first time, and I found out what life and death really meant. And I started growing up from then on. It was uncomfortable, but as the family started to open up about him, I started to learn a bit more about everyone else. When you delivered the eulogy, everyone started breaking down, then Faith started laughing. She sat on my lap and told me, "shiqi jiejie is crying." At first, I was so mad, because she was being so insensitive, but she was just four. She didn't understand why he was gone. Why everyone else was crying. Or what was happening in the first place.

It was the same thing that happened between us, isn't it? Me being young, being immature, not understanding it.

Hopefully, that changed. For the better :)

You're an amazing role model for Zhi, you know? Just the other day, she let Kai choose first, even though she wanted it so bad. Just like what you did for me every time. When I saw what she did, I was literally bursting with pride, that my cousin was so grown up, even though she's just 11.

It feels like not long ago when we were both sitting beside ahyi, when she was pregnant with Zhi. Can you believe that more than a decade has past, yet we can see things as clear as day?

This was back in 2001/2002? You were still in Kindergarten, and you're turning 18 this year. Time flies past so fast.

When time goes past, when we grow up, we fail to realise that mummy and daddy are growing old, too. 

Things are going on really well at home; both of us are so blessed to have loving (and naggy) parents, a roof over our heads, and never have any financial woes. 

We are all changing now. Our appearances, our mindsets, the way we bring ourselves in public. But when we're at home, we're still the same people, the same girls we were so many years ago, always a baby in their eyes. 

You are beautiful sis. Without the makeup, without the contacts, without the dresses, you are still so beautiful. I love our relationship now, it's just that I hate seeing you being insecure over your body. We have single eyelids, small eyes, big thighs, so what? Maybe those aren't good genes in your eyes, but you are one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever known. Both inside and outside. Even if you wear flip flops, an old shirt with fbts, we will still love you for who you are. 

You can wear this pyjamas out for dinner with me and I'm absolutely fine with that (and I'll wear mine too)

Back when mummy and daddy were younger :")

And daddy had abs :O 

All these memories, it just came tumbling back when I flipped through our old photo albums.

Watching our transition from babies to toddlers, to primary school kids, to the teenage stage, and finally, you're gonna be an adult!

You have had all the firsts, so that your little sister wouldn't be so scared.

Roller coasters, extractions, braces, retainers.

You'll be the first to start dating, get married, have a job, have kids.

And first to leave?

Be it leaving home for good, or leaving this life.

I don't even know how I'm gonna continue on without you.

"Are you always a sister, even when half of the equation is gone?"

That's probably why I was so scared when I got stitches (because no one I knew had them). And why I was so quiet when I first entered NJ (because you weren't here). 

You're probably one of the few who kept telling me to keep on going in canoeing, when everything bad was happening. 

Thank you for waking up at 5 in the morning to come down for my nats, watch my 1000m race, leave for a while, then come rushing back in a cab for the 500m race, just to see me nearly in tears afterwards. 

Then you told me how proud you were of me.

One sibling who loves you, is really so much more than what you need. Their love fills you up so deeply inside, you could burst. 

I love you more than you love Aaron kay :P

 

I'll get you a duck every birthday, adding on to your collection of duckie, darla, dominic, daniel, donnie, danny, destiny, yati.

Next one will be called Donovan. 

Remember all the times when I cried over little things?

You sat on my bed and watched as I looked out the window, refusing to show the tear streaks.

Then you said, "it's okay."

That made me cry even more, because everyone said it wasn't okay.

When everyone else didn't believe me, didn't understand me, the person I hurt so many times still believed me.

That's the amazing thing about sisters.

No matter what you do to them, they don't hold grudges.

They know exactly how to hurt you till you break, they know how to get past that stubborn mental barrier in your brain, and they can tweak their words to make you break apart and break down. 

After pulling down your walls, they build you into a better person.

They are a part of you. In your flesh and blood, in your childhood, in your first dates and heartbreaks, they are always there. When you bickered with your friends or got duped by someone, they just made things better.

Thanks sis, for the fifteen (and counting) beautiful years.

"When our hair is white, we'll still have our sister love."

Finally reaching your height xD

为你的微笑负责 ;-)