I don't know, but I just got this feeling that the team will be a lot different with the JH1s joining in next year.
It's like, the girls seem so... fearless. And their English is very chim, unlike majority of us. They speak in the 'angmoh qiang' while we blabber out in Singlish and dialects, failing to speak in proper English even during debrief xD
And back to the fearless thing, it's not that I'm asking for them to bow down at me and give me the greatest respect, but the discipline is like a whole lot worse. Even for our own batch, we were all terrified of the seniors. We didn't speak to them unless necessary, and when we took K2s with them, we didn't even dare to ask for a rest or a water break in fear of getting scolded, because we knew how hard they trained and we wanted to live up to those expectations after joining the team.
Then, when I take the K2 with the juniors, I find myself always telling them not to be stressed out, always asking if they are okay and if they need a rest every 500m. I make jokes and I'm really easygoing with them. And I can't call them thick-skinned for asking to rest, because paddling is really tiring for them, but they always do. And when the seniors scold them or at least get them to listen, they will be like, "So what?" And that's when I feel like hammering their heads.
Everyone says that they are a talented bunch, with AEP and MEP. The JH3s are the smart batch. The JH4s are the sports batch. Then, there's this random JH2 batch which is 1) horrible behaviour 2) poor attitudes 3) very playful 4) struggle with studies 5) struggle with sports 6) huge lack of talents in every department 7) the worst cohort ever known.
Maybe it's just me being sensitive here. But every time the seniors tell the CAFE kids, "You have a lot of potential. You started out a lot better than all of us. You guys are very talented.", I just hate that feeling. Honestly, no one ever said that our bunch was talented, but they did say that when the current JH3s were our age, they were better than us.
Our batch got scolded for lack of training, lack of initiative, lack of discipline and the list goes on. We're not perfect, I'm sorry for that. But I just don't understand the barrier between the JH2s and the seniors, yet the JH1s can be more easygoing with the seniors, as if they've known them for years. The juniors treat us, treat me, as a friend of the same age, someone they can "play" around with, not a senior. They say respect is earned, but I think there has to be a line drawn. But between us and the seniors, it's not just a line. It's a wall.
I think the JH2s are actually pretty bonded, despite our social awkwardness. We understand how each other feel, but we can still be so much better. And I can foresee that after next year's Nat Schools for the C Div 2014, there will be nothing but heaps of praise for the juniors. I still don't understand, but I know it's going to happen.
My juniors may be reading this right now. Some juniors are really nice, but I just see it as a general whole. After all, I don't know y'all personally, maybe I'll change my perspective. Maybe it's just a hasty generalization (fallacies here), but this is what I feel. Yes, I have to admit that they are a talented bunch in the arts, but sports-wise, I believe we're all the same.
Berenice can balance in a tiger without seat, she's definitely a talent. Well, I'm sorry that I was only placed in a Tiger for the first time during NCC training. Sorry that I was so bad that I was overlooked over everyone else who tried a tiger. Sorry that I couldn't lift the weights, that I couldn't do pullups, that I couldn't do sprints, that I couldn't last in a run, that I am just the worst. I hope I proved everyone wrong. I really hope I did. Now that I think of it, all I see is a blonde paddling in front of me in a tiger while I'm stuck in a JK1. I was that bad, I guess.
My accident caused me to have one training in a T1 during Advanced Cafe, not to mention that before my accident, I told Ms Ng that I was going to Advanced Cafe Canoeing and she gave me a judging(?) look. Like she doubted I would last, since I had to retake my NAPFA..Anyways, I remember that training really clearly. I took a T1 without seat and I didn't capsize at all; it was my first time. And I watch juniors getting praised for capsizing only six times in a T1 without seat, and that's for guys, and that's after countless trainings. Our batch is a different batch. We are from the 99, one of the most special years in the century.
Then, the next time I took a single craft was during the holidays. I took a JK1 and clocked 10km mileage, capsizing once. Anya is a talent and she goes for 2km and just capsized 3 times. No offence intended here, I'm just so tired of all the comparisons. Yes lah, they rock and we suck. Just like captain's ball (don't get me started on that day).
(Please excuse me, I know I'm offending nearly everyone here. I'm suddenly emo and in the very rare b**** mode.)
It's time to prove everyone wrong. We have to. Much as the juniors are spoon-fed, we won't be. The seniors and teachers can be strict and hard on us, but easy on the juniors. But I think it's time that I let go on the strictness of the JH3 girls which I couldn't comprehend. All I'm going to do is to toughen the JH1 girls up, and stop them from asking for rest every 500m, stop them from walking, and let them know what we really are.
I will always remember what I do during trainings when I first came in.
- Carry 2 T1s again and again. (The juniors find one T1 very painful to their shoulders.)
- Hurry get back onto the boat when I capsize. (The juniors laugh in the water, does not flip the boat even when screamed at, still calls friend to look at him/her.)
- We aim to not capsize at all. (They say that they might not join because they like to capsize.)
- We always listen to whatever is said, and we do it as best as we can and we get scolded and punished. (They retort back at us, they fool around, they complain, they WALK in late while we're all running, we do pushups for them, THEY ARE PRAISED AS TALENTS, WHICH IS WHAT WE NEVER WERE)
- We pushed on without rest for fear of lack of discipline. (They whine for rest and complain about cramps/fatigue/younameit)
To the girls who will be coming in next year.
It's no use if you are talented. All you need is hard work, it'll get you further than any talents. You need the dedication. You need us to push you, scold you, discipline you. You need to hate us before you understand it's for your own good.
This is what I believe I went through. And I hope that I'll be the senior I want to be, to be the senior my seniors were to me. Which brought me here.
Canoeing is a whole different story.
I hope that you know what we're doing for you, and that you will be true NJ canoeists, good seniors to the younger ones.
We are two totally different batches, but I hope that in 2015, we will be strong.
NJ Canoeing will be really different next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment