We went to Sentosa.
1. Slope runs (7 sets)
2. Sandcastle Building
3. OUTRIGGER
4. White lunch
5. Round-The-Island (18km)
6. Pilates
Tuesday was the fun day of the camp :D
I'm glad my group started with slopes, so the worst was over and we could enjoy outrigger without worrying about running. Slopes were just bad. No need to elaborate on my "love" for running, let alone seven sets of killer two minutes.
Sandcastle building was nice. It brought back many fond memories of my childhood when my family always went to ECP to play :) Then OUTRIGGER!!! The K1 was so fun, and very stable even though it was in the sea, and the rudder is so nice and big and easy to control direction <3
I was actually starving after everything. Then there was a white lunch. White rice, white cabbage, white egg, white chicken. I had to force myself to finish the food like it was my final set, everyone was having seconds so as to not waste food, so our group came up with this slogan: Every grain of rice, chicken and egg, go the distance XP
Round the island was for endurance, I guess. Walking to sentosa cove and back was so tiring, and we had all the heavy bags to lug, and we slowly drank the isotonic because we only had two bottles and during the first water break half a bottle was gone. But we completed it with plenty of time to spare, so Aunty taught me the JH3 chem stuff which I kind of understood. Christine is like the best tutor ever, she can deal with sotongs like me, I love you aunty <3
Pilates at night and no dodgeball (WHYYY). I'll take yoga next time, thanks :) me like to stretch rather than core training ;P
Okay so I'm lazy to talk about the next 3 days in detail. So to the important parts of each day:
Wednesday was race simulation + baohui joining the group (after a great boy chase around europe). It was freezing at night and in the morning and we had to be in singlets so I was just shivering while warming up in the bay. Fell short by 3-5s for the 500m and 1000m target timings, I think it was quite disappointing. If I had pushed harder for 10 more seconds, maybe I would be sub-2:45 for 500m and sub 5:50 for 1000m. For 500m, I kept up with Ruiting and Christine for about 250m when I just died out after having one of my best starts. There's still so much to work on..
Thursday was the JH1s joining us, and we had outdoor cooking, our group's food was so nice that most of it got eaten by people from other groups. Baohui makes very good apple crumble, she should open a bakery next time, I would eat there every day. And the Saus Manis Chicken was amazing. We just used the sauce for a marinade and added more and more when we cook, but it was successful. And we added uncooked bell peppers for decoration. Those peppers tasted bad because Shiyun doesn't like vegetables. In the end, our two boxes of salad were 1/5 eaten by our group and the others eaten by people who didn't want to waste food.
(I sound like a grandma now.)
Friday was fun race + reflections + break camp.
I think I'll just talk about reflections.
Everyone's been worrying for nats. The lineup, whether we can hit our target timings, whether the team boats will work out, whether we'll have enough points, whether we can make do with what we have.
It's going to be my first competitive nats. There's excitement, but there's also fear. I don't want to be a burden on the K4. I'm afraid that my 100% isn't good enough. That I can't push as hard as the others. All sorts of worries and fears.
The best thing we can do now is to look at each other, trust each other, and know that we are strong, that we are good, that we can do this. Together.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters as compared to what lies within us."
I hope that when SCM comes, I'll be ready. I don't want to pull Celeste down, I don't want her to pull my weight. I really hope that I won't disappoint her. Seeing how I am in the K2 now, I still have so much more to go.
I need to control my emotions better, if I want to be a good senior, which I have to.
When the juniors were discussing the B Div 2015 lineup without me there, without telling me about it until I asked, I just blew up inside. I didn't scream at them, but I'm pretty sure there was a murderous look on my face or something like that. I just couldn't calm down.
Then I look at the way Celeste speaks to them, it's just so different. It's like she understands them better than I do, and I'm pretty sure they had rather talk to her than me, since I'm that 激动 JH2 senior who looks like she's going to blow her top anytime.
Ying says that Celeste can control her emotions well, plus she has that charisma that makes you want to listen to her. Celeste doesn't scream or rage, but she can get the message across. I doubt I even have half of what she has.
All the attendance stuff, the latecoming, the punishments, the fact that I just can't communicate the importance to them makes me want to tear my hair out. I wouldn't have even survived a week with them if not for the JH3s. They take care of the kids too, even better than I can. Thank you everything you've done for me, it really means a lot, honestly. :)
I think I failed as a senior. If I can't even understand them, talk to them, not lose my temper at them, how am I going to lead them into B Div 2015?
I just hope a better day will come.
When they will finally cooperate with me. Or in this case, me controlling my emotions.
When I can be sure they can take care of themselves.
And I'm worried that they will quit because I scold them too much or because they keep being punished for being late. And when they are late despite warnings and reminders so many times, it's hard to be nice and say, "It's alright, my dear, you are a jewel, of course you can take your time. Of course it's my fault that you are late. Of course it's my fault that you have to do pushups."
I hate pretending to be nice, pretending that everything's fine, when it isn't.
But because it's only going to be me as their senior in B Div 2015, I have to tahan all this. I hope it's temporary.
I'm stressing over my juniors for my B Div 2015 when I'm still worrying for my nats next year, how I'm going to cope and try not to fail JH3, how I'm going to spend time with the people I love yet balance paddling and studies and trying to live some of my dreams.
Sorry for the rants.
It's been a pretty conflicting two weeks.
Some things are so good. Some things are just bad.
And I got a bruised finger and thigh from bench pull and tyre flip during land.
I hope I'm strong enough for all the incoming obstacles.
I just want to be a good teammate. An understanding senior.
Dealing with juniors and my oneders are worlds apart. Talking to the oneders comes so naturally, right from the start. To think we're only one year apart, yet so huge a difference.
I guess it's because the oneders have that magical touch to all twenty-three of us. I've never experienced such close bonds, besides within my family. And the oneders did that within two years.
Everything's pretty messed up.
I'm looking forward to Saturday when I can see my oneders after a long time.
That's when I can properly start ranting.
My pillar of strength. Family.
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