Running out of time, where is my, runaway love?

SUP. :D

Nope, this isn't about love. It's Runaway Love by JB, and I love the dance moves (not that I can dance to it hahahah) . I can sing pretty much all the songs on My Worlds (which consists of My World and My World 2.0). But when it comes to Under the Mistletoe and Believe, I can only sing a couple of them. Running out of time to fangirl. Even for Cody, Greyson, Austin, it's quite hard. And BTR (I had a dream about them last night anyway, it was GREAT. Woke up late but feeling very happy like how I am when I dream about idols xD ) Now, I'm just looking up for old songs which I can emo with :) or just some nice old songs.

Okay, earth to me. I have pretty much nothing to blog about. No inspiration.. But I shall just talk about some random stuff, forgive me if I sound like a lunatic, but again, I'm always crazy and hyper when I want to be. Okay. Let's see.

I was just telling my dad about a guy whom had one leg amputated and had a prosthetic kayaking. Even though it was just a T1, I was full of admiration for him, because most amputees may just want to give up on their lives because of a missing limb. Also, this guy made me tell myself not to leave the sport no matter how tough it is. If he can still paddle like that, my trainings are NOTHING.

So, what my dad said kind of made me really unhappy the entire evening. I shall quote it from word to word. "You'll never have so much determination one lah." It sounds casual, but trust me, it hurts. A hell lot. I pride myself as someone who doesn't back down without a fight, without giving my all, but I am fair. But hearing those words from someone who has known me for 14 years is just. I can't describe. Disappointing? No, I don't think it's disappointing. After all, from the way I was raised, children cannot be disappointed in their parents. But again, that feeling sucked.

I told him, "You think I'm not determined? I'll prove you wrong." He just laughed it off, but for the first time, I heard a note of uncomfortableness (okay this may not be word) and irritation in his voice. I was pissed, so I just went to watch Running Man to cool myself down. I had technically raised my voice and disagreed with an elder, somewhat like retorting. Later, my dad and mum told me to stop retorting with sarcasm with whatever they say. Debate and LA skills in action, I wish to highlight, but no, 'cause this is my family. This is the kind of life I have at home.

I shall live my own dreams of being a social worker and a motivational speaker, if possible. I want to spread the idea that children and teens have their own right to dream, to choose what they want to be, and that they shouldn't be afraid to speak up against what their parents want for them. It's not disrespect, it's just stating an opinion which concerns the future.

Also, this morning, I was reading 少年文摘. There was a story written by a mother in it. I cannot explain how much the story relates to myself. That moment was just like finding a long-lost twin at the other end of the world. I shall sum up the chinese article into this: (written in the mom's POV btw)

When I gave birth to my daughter, I recall relatives and friends telling me to teach my daughter how to respect myself when she grows up. That means to do what I want her to do, for her to follow my wishes as accurately as possible, and not to disagree with me in any sense. I am her master in the world.

But I feel differently. Her being in the world wasn't her choice. I chose to bore her. I chose to bring her into this world. Thus, I shouldn't be forcing her in whatever she does. I've already forced her into this world, I cannot do it anymore. It is unfair.

Many parents wish for their children to follow in their footsteps, or to live up to their expectations and to make their dreams come true. But then again, I tell myself, what is the use of my daughter living my dreams? She will not be happy, because this is not what she wants to be.

I recall a friend of mine who followed whatever his parents said. He studied at a school of his parents' choice, he finished their preferred course, he landed with a job they wanted him to have. He had a girlfriend back then. However, his parents arranged a marriage with another girl for him. So, he broke up with his true love to marry the other woman. He even had children with her. After all that, he finally blew up. He told his parents, "Look, I've lived up to your dreams. I studied in the school I didn't want to study in, I have a job which I don't like, and I have given you the grandchildren you want. What else do you want with me?"
He was so sick and tired of it that he gave up everything. And I do not blame him.

I don't want my daughter to be like that. I don't want to see that look of irritation, annoyance, in her eyes when she glances at me disdainfully. I want her love. I don't need her to follow what I say. I just want her to choose her path, and I will support her no matter what. I don't need her to give me the utmost respect, I don't need her to agree with me. I just want her to love me, and that's all I ask for.

-END OF STORY-

So, this story just drew me in. The abovementioned is just my translation, not that accurate, but you get the point, yah? I wish my parents were like this. I wish they would support me in what I do, rather than be the dictators of my life. Why me? Why not my sister?

Because I happen to be in the IP Programme, they expect me to be a doctor or a lawyer, and earn lots of money for them. I can bring glory to the family, to bring glory to myself. Being a canoeist helps in no sense, since I can't appear on NDP or shake the President's hand.. 

I can't imagine what will happen when I tell them that I want to be a social worker when I grow up. A job which I will love, a job which doesn't pay much, but makes me so rich with happiness. A job which will give me my basic needs, and make me happy. I know that they won't agree. It would mean long hours, hard work and little pay. But this is my dream. 

As I always say, no one will stop me from realising my dream. I may not be the best, but I am hard to beat. Your disapproval is nothing. I won't go down with a fight. And no matter how hard I have to fight with you to become what I want to be, I will NOT back down.

Okay, enough ranting. A couple of pictures for you all.

Endurance.

All those out there who've been supporting my dream, thank you so much. Every word, every hug, it all counts. Thank you for guiding me each step of the way. And also, I thank God for all the opportunities He has given me. Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

To some, I may not be a true Christian, since I don't go to church, but I believe in Him. I feel God's presence with me whenever I pray for help, or just because I'm thankful for everything He has given me. A Child of God :)

Till next time, peeps :D