Talent Development (and plenty of ranting)

Talent. People say everyone has a talent, some of which are hidden, but I just feel that I don't seem to have one. Take Claire for an example. Obviously, she is musically inclined. So is Mizuki. Megan has a wonderful voice. THQ can rap. Xinyi and Jiaxin can dance. Demon and Gwen are smart. Hweezy is great at ball games like bball, netball, tchoukball. Angie, Jinwen, Wang are fitness machines. What about me?

From young, my family enjoyed discouraging me. When I did well (I was happy with my performance), they wouldn't celebrate with it, but rather, ask why I didn't get full marks, why I wasn't first. It literally pulled my self-esteem down, but again, my family taught me not to argue back. I've learnt the hard way of talking back (just to make my point, cos I was misunderstood). I'll just have to shut up, or there'll be chaos. I really envy the lives of others, where their parents don't give them a regimental lifestyle, don't imply rules for everything (no rolling of chairs, no hands on the walls, early to bed (latest 10PM) and early to rise (latest 8AM), no going to Subway, avoid all outings with friends, no asking for extensions, no leaving the house without permission, must do all chores). I don't mind the rules, okay, since it's been 14 years. I'm used to it, but I wonder how my friends will cope if they go under this lifestyle. I try to talk about it to them, but no one will understand. They have loads of freedom. They can go for immersions without worrying. I worry because I'll not be allowed to go, unless it's compulsory.

Anyway, back to talent. (Just ranting) My parents made it simply: You have no talent. They even said that out loud, you have no idea how much it hurts. Even as I write this, I think I have no talent too. 11 years of piano and I'm stuck at grade 7? My dad says I can top academically except that I don't try. Maybe I can. I have had the foundation from my mother's tutoring in multiplication and division at 4 years. I don't bother working that hard in studies because I want to show them that I can make it to success (a better life than them) with my own hands. Without tuition, without others' interference. I will not have an office job like all of you. I will lead a life which makes me, make others happy. I will not help you fulfill your dreams. I will have my own dreams, and I'll make sure that they come true.

Again, back on track. People say that I have a great leadership potential. But I lost my chance after withdrawing from council. But trust me, I have no regrets. I'll push all the way for canoeing. They say that I should find a field to develop it even further. Okay, but leadership's not exactly a talent..

Sports? I'm in canoeing, but no, I got no talent for physical activities. This is one thing I'm proud of. I have no sporting talent. I came this far with hard work, with my own hands. I entered canoeing being the weakest of the entire lot. I may not be the best, but I work hard to be my best.

The only thing I feel that I have (which others don't) is my interpretation skills. Not in terms of language (by the way I learn languages fast, like pick them up fast, but it's not a talent). In terms of understanding what people feel, what people think of from the way they speak, verbally or in written form. Or from their actions, their expressions, the tones of their voices. I don't know why, but I usually figure out what they feel like by piecing all these together. Kind of creepy that I'm doing such stuff, but still, this is one thing I can do. I don't talk about it to others, I don't show that I know things, but some things I do know. Very occasionally, I drop hints that I understand, and sometimes, people do pick them up, but only vaguely. I just need to understand you to be able to treat you like how you want to be treated. So if I seem distanced from you.. it may be from these "interpretations". These are my instincts, I always follow them, so I can't help it.

So ending off, that may be a hidden talent, but again, I doubt so.

Sorry, emoing here, but I just needed to vent.

Random thing: Go listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart (covered by Glee, 1D, Westlife). By someone called Bonnie (forgot her surname).