if you spread your wings, you can fly away with me.

I used to picture myself growing up. How I would look like, what I would do, who were around me.

There's going to be a huge change. I know it. On the surface, I push that thought away, I pretend that all will just be fine, that it will be the same old days. But deep down, I know that someday, I have to face it. 

I'm scared.

The oneders will be separating. The Buskers will drift. The girls team is just left with me.

The last thing I need is for myself to fall apart.

I pride myself for being headstrong, that I will always stand up to what I believe. Till now, I still do and I offend others, as always.

But I don't want a repeat of JH1, when I was quiet and wary of everyone around me, for the fear of betrayal, for the fear of being judged.

I'm glad that phase passed. But what if it comes back?

I'm on my toes before, during, and after training, because no one watches my back anymore. The seniors say that I keep on stoning and I train without uttering a word. That's the cold, aloof side of myself, when I trust no one around me. Some people saw that side of me before. Trust me, it's not the most welcoming gesture.

I know I seem blur or unaware of my surroundings. But I'm always listening without any comment. I'm not as ignorant as some people see me as.

I'm comfortable and happy around my oneders. But what about next year? There'll be no more singing of the mole song, no more dividing into groups without complains, no more eating in class, no more raging at unreasonable people, no more love. I love each and every single one of my oneders (there is a difference between a oneder and a student from JH201), I'm gonna miss them, so, so much.

I want to be strong. I want to be happy. I want to live my dreams together with the people I love.

Can I even hold out?

As the only girl left, will I be able to last through? Will I still have the same willpower and love for the sport and team when everything changes? Will I be a good person?

I ask myself why am I worrying about the future, when no one can see what's happening?

Because I used to know my own future without thinking. It came naturally because of the hope around me.

It's all hazy. Wonder when the fog will clear...

Always do things when you know you're in the right.

And it doesn't have to be in the good all the time.

Even though you've grown up from the adorable kid, the sweet Stratford boy is still with us.

People change. Things change.

But in those hard times, memories will always surface, and we've always known that deep down, someone's thinking of you.