"before we met, I was as lost as a person could be and yet you saw something in me that somehow gave me direction again."

So after spire on Wednesday I finally managed to find time with Wang. We're six classes apart = no chance of having any lessons together, I miss her so much.

We used to spend so much time together, always taking K2 together, in class, before and after training, on the bus, or just staring into space.

When it was down to the both of us, all our moments were so precious. She was my pillar of strength (and she still is), she kept me sane, she made me happy. She knew if I was pissed, angry or upset, and rather than leaving me alone, she would come out and dig out everything from me, no matter how frustrated I get. I know 我看错了你 in the past, I'm sorry for hurting you, it was my fault.  I vented my anger on you so many times, but you never left, thank you staying with me the entire time, for being there every time I wanted to give up on something. You taught me to be brave and learn to dream, that I'll never forget. You never left babe, you didn't give up on it. I don't deserve what you've done for me these two years, but you were there for me every single time. It's amazing to have someone whom you trust with your life, and even though we argue and all, you always watched out for me, something which I'll never comprehend. Because when it was my fault, you never once blamed me for it. You understand me so much, you were always there when I just needed someone to cry (bawl) to. It wasn't just canoeing or being K2 partners, it's so much more to that, I don't think anyone else would understand.

Wang talked about how we complained about training but in the end we still dragged each other to it. Those moments were especially special when it was just the two of us, trying to cope with all the stress, trying not to worry about everything else in this world. She told me that towards the end, she was staying on because of me. And I went home to cry because I was so touched.

I remember all our times together. There are so many people out there who say that you have to learn to let everything go, to let it be a memory, and no matter how many times you tell yourself you have to do that, you know you can't.

You remember our dreams? When we said K4, it was spending time together. When we talked about juniors, it was taking care of each other. And when you kept me alive and saved me over and over again, you were for me every single time. You would take the pain and catch me when I fall. Those aren't broken or empty promises. When you promised to watch out for me, you did more than that. Beneath all the words we said are just promises that no matter what comes through between us, no matter how hard and how bad we are broken inside out, we will be there to heal each others' hearts and bring life to each others' souls. You did more than to fulfill it. And no matter how bad things get, I promise that I'm gonna be there with you, it doesn't matter if we win it or not, but I'm not gonna let go after you saved me so many times.

There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy, but yes, this world is screwed up.

If I had a choice, I wouldn't ask you back, but I will only ask for myself to be more understanding, to be a better and more unselfish friend. And that we'll always be there for each other.

Many things change but there are things that will always stay the same.

1. Our memories.

2. What you did for me.

I cling on to them desperately too.

No babe you never changed to me.

Around new people, around people we don't know and we don't trust, we are different.

When we spoke it was just like the old times.

You know, carefree.

Then when you leave, it's like a nightmare all over again.

And I just realised that when people spend so much time with someone else, we start noticing all their flaws and judging them on it.

But when they are no longer around, when we don't see them as much, we start missing them and we learn to embrace their flaws and love them for who they are inside, because it's really very beautiful.

Many times it's too late. No time, no courage.

I really miss you.

I just want to be able to sit down and tell you how was my day.

And I can hug you and we eat lunch together and talk about how screwed up things can be.

You understand me so much, sometimes even better than how I see it.

You taught me to stand up for what I believed in, you changed so much in me.

It's amazing.

Loving someone and knowing that you will always be loved back.

Walking in the dark knowing someone's watching you back.

Jumping from a height, all trembly and weak, but knowing someone's holding your hand.

Fighting alongside someone you love.

Thanks for taking care of me, Wang.

Love you ;-)