“For as long as the world spins and the earth is green with new wood, she will lie in this box and not in my arms.”

So basically this week was all over the place.

Many things happened, I got exposed to quite a bit of new stuff (both good and bad). But I'm just going to take things as it goes, and hopefully, it'll get better with time.

Just last week, I was telling myself, five more weeks to Nationals. One week has already passed by in a blur, I can't even remember much. It's like drifting in and out of sleep, somewhat remembering the dreams, but you fall back unconscious on the pillow once more. You're not sober, yet you aren't exactly drunk, just somewhere in between.

I just did circuit weights not long ago but it seems so far away. I took K1 for an hour on Tuesday, and all I remember was eating all the backwash.

Wednesday was K1 for the entire training, it was 2 sets of [2:30,2:00,1:30,1:00,0:30], with equal amount of rest. Then, technique check until end of training. Honestly, I thought it's a pretty slack programme, considering we're approaching nationals really soon. I know that this way, we can include and help the C Div along every single training (last year, we just paddled out on our own while watching the seniors sprinting down the lanes). Many things changed, everyone can see that. The recruitment done for last year's CAFE students was good, they got plenty of people, but right now, you just got to keep them in.

Ms Ng said something along these lines on Thursday.
"Don't enjoy training? Who enjoys training? You train for the people around you! I also don't like running up down up down! Who likes it, crazy ah? So they must have someone they're staying for!"

Ms Ng nags a lot (actually all the teachers/coach have been nagging at me for my horrid technique), but she really means well :) she's the teacher who paddles alongside us, shouting encouragement (or scolding), or running with us when we are dying, pushing us past our own limits. I always told the JH2 girls that without her, I wouldn't have improved so much, both on land and water. She's an amazing teacher, I'm really grateful for everything she's done for the team :)

On Thursday morning, we did 20s hard, 10s easy. 2 sets of 8. The 10s was just enough for you to turn around and prep yourself for the sprints, and no matter how tired you are, just push it. It's only 20s, you have to explode, even if you are on the verge of dying, you know that it's gonna end really soon. You don't even count the sets, you just push through despite the lactic kicking in. And after that programme, we played Captain's ball with the kids and A Div girls. It was really fun (even though I bruised myself when I crashed into Bao oops), and it took away a lot of worries I had that morning :)

I spent the entire Thursday afternoon slacking off at home. I only have the discipline to work hard during training, I don't bother putting in half the effort for my studies at all, and that has to change somehow.

Once, Demon told me this when I was unhappy with my grades. "If you can work hard in your cca, that means you can do the same in studies. You just got to try."

After that, I asked myself why I couldn't do it. I can't sit down and try to do work, I get distracted so easily. At this rate, I don't think I can even make it past this year. (I was telling Emma that if I can't graduate, I'll be a primary school teacher.)

Friday morning was imagery. I've only done DB imagery twice, and it was really different from what we did yesterday. When Ms Ng said "the boat on your left is half a boat length ahead of you", I was thinking about what I would do on water. Usually, whenever someone overtakes me, I just let them go. But I'm starting to learn to fight with them, to try to keep up even if it's just a couple of seconds. And during the time when I'm on par with them, I have the drive to attempt to overtake, and while it fails most of the time, I know that I fought hard for that set.

Friday's training was my first proper training in the week. The kids weren't around, and it was just the seniors, so it was just sprint sets after sprint sets. I didn't even know what the program was (it was supposed to be 30x1min), I just tried to power every single stroke. Every single set was hell, because the water was really hard to pull, but the cycle was high, so I didn't get a good catch. Every time the boat tilted, I couldn't kick or twist properly, and it really affects the glide of the boat. Kicking can propel the boat forward, but only if we're in sync. The conditions won't be in our favour in Bedok during Nats, but we just have to keep on going.

Just four more weeks.

Not for yourself, but for them.

"Listening to the heart and soul."