I'm not sure why I keep thinking about this, but this is just what I want to do in the future. Maybe it's because I've experienced the grief when someone left me forever, and that there's someone alive whom I love who may leave me anytime.
No, she isn't having a terminal illness. My grandma has stroke. For almost twenty years. She can't speak, eat, move or do anything on her own. She needs round-the-clock care. Since I was born, she was just like that, in a wheelchair, unable to communicate. She can't even sit up properly, so she's strapped to her wheelchair or sofa 24/7. Or she sleeps.
I see my grandma every week, and what can I do? It feels weird to talk to her, since she can't reply me. If it's awkward for me, it's a lot more worse for her. Imagine your own grandchildren watching you being carried everywhere. Her maid changes her in front of us because there's no more embarrassment. We've been seeing this for years. Much as stroke is not terminal, you would want to die if you have it. Imagine being in such a state for twenty years. I may lose my grandma anytime. I thought she would be the first to leave us, but instead, it was her husband, my grandpa. That's how life is so unpredictable. We never know when we'll leave the world. It's just borrowed time.
And yes, back to hospice care. Just in case you don't know what hospice means, it's like a home for the dying. I know, working in such a place may bring negative thoughts, and a lot of grief, because you face death, but that's the only way I can stay strong.
Instead of an office job from 9 to 5, why not do something much more productive in life? This isn't a job. This is what I want to do for others. What's the meaning of living when you can't even make a difference in someone's life? Even if someone's dying, I can still make a difference by spending the last days caring for him, talking to him, giving him all the love and support he needs so much.
It's not just for the dying. It's for the families too. They have to come to terms with it, and I have to be the one talking to them. The one comforting them, letting them know how to cope, and how to move on from grief.
And my message:
In life, there are things we have to let go someday. Life happens when we're busy planning other things. Every night, we go to bed not knowing if we'll wake up ever again. So, cherish each day like it's your last, be it a good or bad one, because there's really no point dwelling over history; over what has happened. Appreciate what you already have, which is the present, not history nor future. Live life not for studies, love, or CCAs, but instead, for happiness. Only with happiness then we'll able to do anything else. Only if we're happy can we enjoy our CCAs, learn to love and all. It may not be true to you, but that's my philosophy. The only way to learn to cherish is to listen to what they say, with not just our ears, but with our hearts. And to their hearts.
Don't be afraid of death. Don't be afraid to think about it. There's no need to focus on it negatively. Think about the memories left behind. The stories written, the legacies made. When we die, we leave a story behind which everyone remembers. Not our personal achievements. Focus on the beautiful years, not the painful times. The ones you want you remember.
We're still writing our stories each day. No story is perfect, no story is a fairytale, but we can have a beautiful side to it. We don't think about the approaching storm, but instead, the dandelion which brought life to all after destruction. It's alright to take the wrong train. We'll just have to find our way home, and the journey back will be the most memorable one.
There are no "best" stories. Every story is beautiful in it's own way. My story is still developing, with cracks from the occasional storms, but the sunshine has made my story glow, covering up the cracks.
Last, but not least, learn to fall. Don't be afraid to fall; there's always someone there to catch you. We can fly through the storms, but only if you let yourself fall.
Don't fear. There's always someone there when you least expect Him. God :)
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