So, this isn't totally about weights or running or paddling. It's more of everything about the team and the sport as a whole. To those who think that canoeing is hardcore (and that's why you didn't join us), what can I say? We push hard for the sport, be it land or water or whatever we do, but the only thing that keeps me rooted to it is the people. The people who actually understand how you feel. That they actually care and want the best for you. It's the people and what I've learnt that kept me going. Without it, I would have been long gone. Physical fitness isn't enough. It's the mental and emotional strength from the sport that keeps you sane, that keeps you going no matter how many times you feel like dying, that you feel like giving up. It's the feeling of knowing that others are pushing just as hard as you, and that you are going to do the same. That others shout encouragement that keeps you from giving up, and you shout back to motivate not just them, but ourselves. It's more than just a sport.
So we had yoga yesterday until 6+, then the three of us stayed behind to talk to Siongyee. She wanted to see Jiawen only, but I'm glad Wang and I went along, it felt so much better letting it out to someone who knows how you feel. I admit, I was shocked that she actually sat us down to talk. She never seemed as one who would open up, but deep down, she cares. She reminds me of Madeline, maybe a not-so-vocal one, but all the same, it means a lot. I was also really touched after she told us about her experiences, and how we should be. Not just in the sport, but everything else. It was like having a burden lifted from your shoulders, because this is the first time I can let a lot of stuff out in which many others do not understand. And she's even more like Mad after our hug. Then, there's that feeling; that feeling I dread so much. That Mad and Siong are going to leave after Nats next year. I'm really going to miss them, a lot. And everyone else. It's just going one and a half years, or even lesser, but the SH taught me so much. After the talk, I just told myself, "It's not going to be so bad after all. God was right, things happen for a reason."
Then, for training today, the feeling came again. We were to do 2km and 5km time trials, one of each. The 2km one was alright, but 5km is the killer, especially when you are trying to execute the right technique no matter what, yet your cycle rate has to be fast and constant. At the start, I already felt tired. Mentally drained. And I had to keep reminding myself to focus and hit the feelers and twist no matter what. My core felt like collapsing, but I forced myself to sit up straight, and push on as hard as ever. The first three kilometres were hell, because everyone started overtaking as I got tired, and no matter how hard I felt like chasing them, and I tried, I failed to catch up. Then, Risa came along.
The first thing she did was to say "Go Shiyun." Then she started paddling with me, getting me to keep up the technique no matter what. She kept on saying, "You are strong. So strong. So good. Come on, still fresh, doing so well." That really kept me going. That was what I needed. As I paddled, I actually felt like crying out that I had just gotten what I really needed and lacked. She urged me to continue chasing her, and I did. That was when I slowly started to overtake the people I see, rather than watching others overtaking me.
During the final lap, Reuven, John and Nick(?) were at the side, encouraging those doing the time trial. When I came along, they kept saying, "Come on Shiyun, you can do it. Still strong, still fresh. Just a bit more, come on, come on. Keep it going, so strong." With the guys as well as Risa, I suddenly found the strength once more, even more than I had when I first started the 5km. It was a really magical feeling. And it means so much. And that's the kind of person I want to be. The kind of senior I'll be to the juniors.
Thank you so much, Risa, for following me, and willing me to give my all. And thank you to John, Reuven and Nick for the encouragement every training without fail. Every little thing means a lot, and what that happen through the course of 24 short hours is more than a little thing. It's a lot to me, I really appreciate everything. And thank you Siong and Mad for allowing me to rant about whatever I can think of and all the advice. Y'all have been really wonderful seniors. All of them are, these are just a few who can fix in the context now.
As the title implies, I can't do it alone. I need the people to make me into what I am now. I wouldn't have done it alone. Just three-quarts of a year, I've learnt so much. And honestly, what I am now, the way I see things, the positive influence, it's from canoeing, no doubt about that.
You can say that we're biased to our own CCAs, but no, I never treated it as a CCA. It may not be part of me my entire life, but it is part of me right now, and that's what that matters. And even after I graduate, I know I'm going to come back and help out, and give back to the team and the sport.
To end off this post, just know that we are what we are because of someone else. Not just ourselves.
There were some people who were there when others thought you were just going to fail and give up.
And you kept going no matter how many times you failed as others thought you were going to quit.
It's the people. The family. That truly cares. It can be anyone.
Thank you, for everything.
Heart and Soul <3
No comments:
Post a Comment